The 10 Most Mildly Interesting People of 2005

Some quick thoughts on the most recent Barbara Walters special, The Ten Most Fascinating People of 2005.

1) Kanye West - I loved, loved, loved your point how white people using bad grammar in the presence of a black person is more offensive than a white person saying "n----r." If I hear one more white person change their grammar and syntax just to appear cool I'm gonna be poppin' a cap in their ass. Or something.

However, I'm so sick and tired of celebrities using the lame cop-out "It was a joke" when the media call them on their bullshit. When J. Lo made that stupid music video glamorizing her life with Ben Affleck? "It was a joke." When Eminem is called out for his misogynistic, homophobic lyrics? "It's a joke." And, according to Kanye (regarding being quoted in general, not about any specific statement he made):


"I'll say something and think it's funny. They take it out of context and make me look cocky." Cut to footage of Kanye all in white with huge white wings emerging from a crowd of people with their arms up as if praising him. Yeah, Kanye, it's the media that makes you look cocky. You haven't done anything to perpetrate that image yourself at all. Sure.

2) Lance Armstrong- First thing Barbara points out is that he has a heart much bigger than average, a resting heart rate much lower than average, and is in the top 2% of humans when it comes to taking in oxygen. So basically, Lance = Freak.

And then they brought out his fiance, Sheryl Crow, who, with her plain brown suit, looked more real estate agent than rock star.

3) Jaime Foxx - Babs already interviewed him when he won the Oscar earlier this year, then more recently on The View when he was promoting Jarhead. He was just on Oprah today, too. Does this guy really have that much to talk about at this point?

Also, they showed a clip of his music video from his upcoming album. In it, he's working the cigars and furs while singing to some skanky ho's. So, basically, his next career move is going from Academy Award-winning actor to generic, R. Kelly-wannabe R&B singer. Cool.

4) Dakota Fanning - You're "precocious." I get it. But, girl, you better be counting your blessings because you could have been one bad career move from being one of those creepy Welch's Grape Juice kids.


5) Beth Holloway Twitty - Hers is a terrible story that will seemingly never be solved. I'm not sure if this qualifies her as "fascinating," but my heart goes out to her.

6) Teri Hatcher - You're cool, you're hot, I've been a fan of yours since Soapdish, but could you please not cry every five seconds?


7) Tom Cruise - Really, what more is there to say about dear Tom? Although Babs was really earning her reputation as soft-question queen tonight. Her first query to Tom? "What about Mission: Impossible attracts you again and again and again?" Wow, take it easy, Babs. What do you want to do, drive him so mad he jumps on his chair?

8) Tom Mesereau - Ugh, I'm so sick of anything regarding the Michael Jackson trial that I'm not going to bother with MJ's attorney. Anyway, the most interesting thing about him is that he keeps his hair longer than most lawyers. Fascinating, indeed.

9) Condoleeza Rice - She graduated college at 19, loves shoes, and has visited 43 countries this year alone. She's the most powerful woman in the U.S., and some consider her the most powerful woman in the world. There's a lot more to this woman, which makes me question why she wasn't the Most Fascinating Person of 2005. Instead, Babs picks...

10) Camilla Parker Bowles - Um, OK. She did marry Prince Charles. That's head-scratchingly weird more than fascinating. Oh, Camilla, Linda Evans from TV's Dynasty called...she wants her hair back.


Well, that's it. "Fascinating"? Hardly. But that's what makes writing about it so much fun.