Deep Thoughts from America's Next Top Model, part 6

Ambreal on Tyson Beckford's coaching skills: "Tyson bit my mango."

What the CW won't do for ratings these days.

Deep Thoughts from America's Next Top Model, part 5

With so many to choose from in this week's Cycle 9 premiere, where to begin with ANTM's contributions to philosophical quandries?

On self-contradiction!

Sylvia: "I'm not going to give this up. I'm going to give it one last shot."

On professionalism!

Janet: "I guess you've seen one butt, you've seen them all."

On kissing ass!

Tyra: "Any girl that gives me a simulated kitty cat wax is fine by me."

On violence versus, um, violence?...!

Marvita: "I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to slap the hell out of her."

And, finally, this show's raison d'etre, self-awareness!

Mila: "I've basically had a really great life so far, so I basically have no reason not to celebrate! I celebrate a new nail color! That's huge!"

Jenah: "I am beautiful and I'm smart. I know stuff. I read books. I can play beer pong. I party with guys."

Chantal: "I think I have something that no other girl has. I don't know what it is, but there's something. There's something."

Deep Thoughts with Amy Sedaris

On party introductions:

When introducing people, try to avoid saying something that could be embarrassing like: "This is Barbara, she can't have children," or "Matt's on mood stabilizers," or "Lenny just got fired. He was the promotions manager at Nowells."

Thanks, Amy.



Check out previous deep thoughts here!

Deep Thoughts with Amy Sedaris

What Amy did when a rich uncle unexpectedly dropped in for a visit:

After he fell asleep, I sprinkled a trail of glitter from the window to his bed so when he awoke he could imagine a fairy had come to visit him while he was sleeping. I also gathered some bricks and stones from the basement that I could heat in the oven and place around his pillow to keep his head warm.

Something we could all learn from. Thanks, Amy.

Check out previous deep thoughts here!

Deep Thoughts with Amy Sedaris

When an unexpected guest doesn't know when to leave, and he happens to be gay:

You can always lie. Make up a story, such as: "Don't mind me. The doctors said the best thing for my yeast infection was to expose my vagina to the air."

OR

"Oh, I'm so glad you're here. You can help me pick out the best photos of my vagina from these contact sheets."

OR

"You can't stay. It's March Madness."

Thanks, Amy.

Check out other deep thoughts here!

Deep Thoughts with Amy Sedaris

When having a party:

Have something ready in your apron pocket to talk about. My line is, "Yes, paella is very traditional to the Spaniards." Or "Wasn't that British territory?" If you see a shy person, ask them some questions like, "Why are you so shy? Tell everyone, we're all listening."

Thanks, Amy.

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Deep Thoughts from "America's Next Top Model," part 4

Nnenna on her male model co-star: "It helps when both models are attractive. He was attractive and I think I'm attractive so I think that helps."

Modelling 101 with the ever-so-humble Nnenna.

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Deep Thoughts from America's Next Top Model, part 3

Bre: "Even though there's a lot of beautiful girls, a lot of beautiful girls don't use deodorant."



Tru dat, yo.

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Deep Thoughts from America's Next Top Model, part 2

Elyse: "I eat when I'm hungry and I stop when I'm full."

Me, too! I could totally be on this show.

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Deep Thoughts from America's Next Top Model

Kelle: "I was in denial about my snout."

Totally.

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