Top Project Runway Rip-Off

With Top Chef, Top Design and last night's debut of Shear Genius, it seems that Bravo is committed to landscaping their entire schedule with the creative-arts-reality-contest "brand" they created with Project Runway. Take twelve campy, dramatic creative people, stuff them in a pressure cooker situation with multiple challenges per episode and then offer them up to awkward hosts and bitchy judges. The diminished returns are obvious. As evidence of how much Bravo has diluted their own brand: Heidi Klum begat Padma Lakshmi who begat Todd Oldham who begat...Jaclyn Smith?

The differences become especially obvious during the best part of each show - the judging process. Top Design is as much about a visual art form as PR. Sure, you might not get to walk in the space and really analyze the details, but for the most part you're experiencing what the judges experience. The vital difference from PR's judging process, however, is that rooms don't move. Those ugly, cavernous booths the contestants paint windows on just sit there. Each designer awkwardly stands at the entrance while the judges silently walk around their creation before moving on to the next one. The whole process is strangely quiet and restrained.

At first I was underwhelmed by TD. Even after a couple episodes, not one contestant had produced a room provoking a response beyond "eh, it's fine." Luckily, Bravo snagged at least 6 genuinely talented designers that began to produce much work as the show went on. And I was happy to see the sophisticated Matt walk away with the contest. He was always professional and produced consistently chic rooms.

(As a side note, since the show is called Top Design and not Top Designer, shouldn't that mean Matt's collection of chairs and sofas walk away with the prize money? And when did Todd Oldham get so orange and sing-songy? He's like a flirty carrot. Even with his exhaustive quick fixes for the contestants, he was much more charming on his own HGTV show.)

What frustrates me about Top Chef is that you can't participate in the judging process the way you can with PR. You hear about the ingredients the contestants are throwing together, you watch them sweat over a stove with a blow torch or massive chef's knife, and you can admire, or mock, the presentation. But you can't actually taste the final product. You have to take the judges' word on whether or not they achieve culinary perfection.

As for Shear Genius...well, let's just say that so far, the best part about it is that it's theme song is nowhere nearly as ear-bleedingly bad as Top Design's. It's as if the composer of TD's wants everyone to hate music as much as they do.

It's not the other show's fault. They just don't fit the medium of television contests the way PR does. Dinner plates and 12'x12' rooms aren't revealed by sexy models hopping and spinning and baring ass. I'm not saying they should, but it would be fun to see a starving model hungrily salivating over the hunk of beef she's parading around, and I don't just mean tall, scruffy TC contestant Sam Talbot (pictured above right). And I have a feeling SG's models might regret appearing on the show once they realize they have to stand around with treasure chest "hair art" on their heads.

Whether it's a plate of dehydrated veal cheeks, plywood walls smothered in Tuscan Sunrise paint, or a mannequin head sporting yet another set of asymetrical bangs, not one of these shows produces the same kinetic sexiness of PR's runway shows. And considering PR just started auditions for Season Four, it's going to be a while before the original returns.

(Thanks to Chicagoist and New York for the pics.)

Also check out: Pack Your Breasts and Leave.
And: Project Runway Sashays Into My Heart.
And: Todd Oldham: Everyone's New Best Friend.

Todd Oldham: Everyone's New Best Friend

What a strange week it was. When trying to describe HGTV’s new show to people, I feel like I’m describing a “Saturday Night Live” parody: Todd Oldham is making ottomans with Joan Jett. If that sentence doesn’t throw you, the visual image of Ms. Jett trying to assemble furniture while still looking rock-star-fabulous will.

Let’s back up. HGTV, or, rather, the Home and Garden Television network, is attempting to skew towards a younger audience. While it hasn’t produced a water-cooler hit like TLC’s “Trading Spaces,” its audience has continually grown since its inception in 1994. It now reaches around 88 million households. It’s website, HGTV.com, attracts millions of unique visitors every month and is one of the most visited home and garden sites on the web. Unfortunately, the middle-aged women who make up the core of their viewers are not an advertiser’s dream demographic of 25-34-year-olds.

Enter Todd Oldham, designer, photographer and all-around hip guy. Oldham is a likely choice for HGTV as he has credibility as a designer and the cool demeanor of your friend’s artsy older brother. It doesn’t hurt that he has appeared on MTV intermittently since 1993, first on “House of Style” and, more recently, as host of special editions of its hit show, “Crib Crashers.” And his lines for Target and La-Z-Boy further enhance his accessible, easy-going style.

Which brings us to his new, five-part series, "Todd Oldham's Handmade Modern," where Mr. Oldham teaches us how to turn plain white bedsheets and glass vases into works of art (conveniently, there's also an accompanying book). And to make it all the more accessible, instead of degrees of difficulty, each project is rated in terms of easiness. Creating a Vase Lift is pretty easy, but the Illuminated Wood Tile Headboard is slightly less so. But to really lure in the young-ins, however, Todd invites his celebrity guests to join him. Because, as well all know by now, everything is more enjoyable when a celebrity can join in.

This is where the surreal elements kick in. While the premiere show featured a wonderfully low-key, charming Susan Sarandon (on not letting her kids see her movies but still visit the movie sets, she remarked “For the longest time, my daughter thought I worked in a trailer”), the second show brought us…Elizabeth Berkeley? Is Todd really sure he wants to flaunt his friendship with none other than Ms. “Showgirls” herself? Maybe he knew what wonderfully nutty programming this would create. It gave him a chance to display surprising humor, whether intentional (holding up a piece of string, he charmingly teases Ms. Berkeley: “I know you’ve had a couple of costumes this big”), or not (Todd: “Coming up, Elizabeth unravels a few of life’s lessons.” Elizabeth: “We all get knocked down at different times.” Todd: “Totally.”).

There’s just something really funny to me about the whole scenario. Everyone has to balance so much at one time. The celebrity is trying to appear both completely down-to-earth and normal while still having perfectly coiffed hair and heavily applied make-up (except for the final guest, Jeffrey Tambor, of course). They want to come off like our next-door neighbor yet their very appearance as the “Celebrity Guest Friend” confirms that they’re definitely not. Meanwhile, Todd has to talk to his guests about what celebrity-esque activities they’re up to (television shows, movies, etc.), converse with them like they’re just hanging out on a Sunday afternoon, and still get the Tiny Tableaux Tables done in a limited amount of time. The way celebrity and host has to change hats within each sentence of conversation is fascinating and awkward (which can be blamed more on the show’s format than on Mr. Oldham himself).

As the show then trotted out Ms. Jett, Mr. Tambor and – my personal favorite – the hilarious Amy Sedaris, to keep us interested, mini-“essays” popped up to teach us about the history of specific art movements and innovators like Russell Wright. With the essays, guest segments, plus five or six projects per episode, the show really packed a lot into its 30-minute time frame. After watching Mr. Oldham gracefully maneuver his way through each phase, you’re left wishing HGTV would give him his own regular series, instead of just this one-time, five-part special.

But, to fill my time, I guess I could actually attempt some of the projects he demonstrated on the show. I mean, if Elizabeth Berkeley can whip out some String Art, surely I can, too, right?

Um, sure. Right after I watch some more HGTV.