I've Lost Half the Year and Half of My Mind (Duh Duh Duuuuuh...)

Whoa. Remember way back in January when I said I was taking time off from blogging but I'd still check in every once in a while with updates, thoughts, etc. Yeah, now it's...August. How did that happen? Where did this year go? All these questions are making me feel stoned.

Anyway, I caught a commercial the other day for Bonnie Hunt's upcoming talk show, shockingly titled "The Bonnie Hunt Show." How much do I love her? This is a perfect idea as Hunt is as funny, sarcastic and down-to-earth as when she's talking to David Letterman or little kids. Who knows how long this show will last but just seeing this commercial made me start compiling a list of other things I'm excited about right now. Other things such as:

- The new music video for "Warcwick Ave." by Duffy, a beautiful song sung by a new, up and coming singer with a great voice. The video is so simple and so touching in its lack of polish. It's light years above the generic singing-to-a-crowd video for her first single, the great "Mercy," so hopefully her record company realizes Duffy deserves a little something more.

- Out magazine's article, "Has Manhunt Destroyed Gay Culture?" In exploring not only why Manhunt.com, the most popular gay male website for, uh, "connecting," has gotten so popular, but what it has taken away from gay culture, writer Michael Joseph Gross has written a surprisingly compelling argument for logging off instead of getting off. Even more, the news that one of Manhunt's founders, Jonathan Crutchley, has donated thousands of dollars to anti-gay Republican presidential nominee John McCain has ignited such fury from Manhunt's subscribers that he's been forced to resign as Chairman. Granted, he'll still be raking in millions and probably still donate it to McCain, but in this age of Web 2.0, it's an inspiring reminder for writers like myself of the power of print journalism.

- The fact that "Project Runway" has finally gotten better. Season 5 has seriously been lacking with the challenges (recycling the grocery store challenge was fine, but then recycling the take-a-photo-in-NY-and-use-as-inspiration challenge? That wasn't even very exciting the first time!) and with talent (no one has really stepped out as a consistent bad-ass designer the way Kara Saun or Michael Knight did in their respective seasons). But when they had to design a day-and-night business outfit for Brooke Shields to wear on her nighttime drama "Lipstick Jungle," the results were exactly as they should be. The top 2 contenders were surprisingly great and the bottom two were heinous and laughable. The best of both worlds!

- Pineapple salsa. It's sitting in my fridge, right now, waiting to be piled on top of grilled jerk chicken for dinner tonight. Just sitting there, with its cucumber and mint and lime, calling my name, whispering, "Donny...Donny, you know you want to eat me...come on...there's plenty extra...I'm so sweet and crunchy...Just scoop me up in a spoon and eat me. Spoon me, Donny, spooooon meeeee." Ok, that just got weird. But whatevs. Between that and the quarter of a watermelon that I ate by myself a few weeks ago and the margarita that I had with ravioli - yes, ravioli! - when the in-laws visited, I'm loving summertime food. I just need some grilled corn and I'll be all set. I wonder if pineapple salsa tastes good on ravioli?

- Jamie Lidell. Love him. If you haven't heard of him, watch this. Or this. Or just go buy his albums Multiply and Jim because his brand of neo-soul pop is infectious.

- St. Joseph, MI. I'm heading there for 10 days in September. Not only is the train ride under two hours and a fraction of the cost of a plane ticket to anywhere, I found a great deal at a nice hotel that's downtown and right by the beach. It's close, it's cheap, it's beautiful, and my sweetie will be joining me for the second weekend for our first and only vacation this whole year. Thank you, staycation!



I'm sure there's more but that's what's occupying my time right now. Summer's almost done so I'm just hoping to make the most of it. And hopefully it won't be summer 2009 before I blog again, but knowing me, that's not out of the question.

So, yeah...

I obviously haven't been blogging in a while. Over a month, in fact. Something clicked when I started thinking about what I want to do in 2008. I realized I want to write more, but not just for my blog. I want to write bigger and better, dedicating more of my energy to submitting to magazines. Maybe even working on a larger project that's both quieter and more demanding than blogging and magazines, writing a book. So I realized something had to give and that something, for now, is this blog.

After two and some years of always thinking/worrying about what my next post is going to be about, after dedicating entire weeknights or even weekends to put together a post that, quite frankly, not a lot of people read, I decided that I've done it and I'm done with it. I've tried it, I've had my ups and downs with it, I've written posts that I'm really proud of and posts that I'd go back and delete if I was that kind of blogger. Some posts even helped lead to a freelancing gig which has lead to a permanent staff position with a magazine I really like and respect and really, what more can you ask than that?

And you know what? So far it feels great. After sitting in front of a computer all day at my regular job, I can come home and not sit in front of a computer all night if I don't want to. I can cook! I can bake! I can watch TV! I can have dinner with friends! I can work out! So many not-really-exciting-but-
exciting-for-me-because-let's-face-it-I've-been-blogging
-for-over-two-years-and-I-have-low-standards-for-what-
I-consider-exciting activities!!!

Notice what wasn't on that list of activities I can indulge in now that I'm not blogging? Writing. The funny thing is with all this new time on my hands I haven't exactly gotten around to doing the things I gave up blogging for in the first place. But we're now, what, 3 weeks into the new year? I can enjoy myself for a while, right? Plus, have you seen the new American Gladiators? It's pretty awesome.

Some people started blogging a long time before I did and are still going. I think that's great. Some people didn't blog nearly as long as I did before giving it up. I laugh in their faces. And I'm not saying I'm giving it up for a good, anyway. Just for now. Who knows? Maybe after three months or six months or a year I'll be clamoring to bust out a bunch of new posts on the latest pop culture shenanigans. I still haven't finished blogging about making all 125 (127?) recipes in Giada De Laurentiis' Everyday Italian even though it's been, um, quite some time since I started that project. So maybe when that happens I'll have to blog about it for closure and, you know, evidence. (If a virtual text few people read actually counts as evidence that I finished a project.)

The point is: I may pick this back up again, I may not. Who knows what the future holds besides God and Kanye West? In the meantime, here are a few of the things that I'll be doing/reading/consuming/eating whilst not blogging:

Reading Project Rungay - The best way to keep up with Bravo's addictive reality competition and enjoy the witticisms, snark and dead-on fashion critiques of Tom & Lorenzo. Project Runway's 4th season may not be its best (Oh my dear Lord, Ricky has to leave), but this blog makes it a lot more enjoyable.

Reading Janet Xone - With Miss Jackson's latest album, Discipline, hitting shelves on February 26th, this is really the best way to know about all the news, performances, reviews and stories concerning Janet. And if you haven't checked out her latest video for "Feedback," click here. Watch it more than once - it grows on you, especially once the killer choreography kicks in.

Eating Aromatic Noodles with Lime-Peanut Sauce - Part of the reason I've put Giada's Italian cookbook aside is because I picked up fellow Food Network host Ellie Krieger's latest book, The Food You Crave. So far the Pumpkin Muffins, Energy Bars, Baked Onion Rings with Ranch Dip, Vanilla Hot Chocolate and Whole Wheat Pancakes with Strawberry Sauce have all been great and healthy (another New Year's resolution). I loooove me some Asian peanut sauces because I basically love anything with peanut butter, so I'm thinking this recipe from Ellie will make me silly happy.

Using my new Netflix account - I just started my subscription and finally watched 2005's An Inconvenient Truth. Next up is the new, Oscar-nominated documentary No End in Sight. I'm going to be so smrt, s-m-r-t!

Reading Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife by Mary Roach - After reading Roach's Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, I've been dying (no pun intended, especially because it's not a very good pun) to read her follow-up. If she explores the soul with as much humor, eye-opening research and intelligence as she did corpses, then the wait will have been worth it.

Rooting for Atonement at the Oscars - I just saw it and am hoping it wins something big, even though I haven't seen There Will Be Blood yet. Seriously, this adaptation of the Ian McEwan novel (which I really liked) is gorgeous, well-acted and, to employ a cliché, heartbreaking. Knowing the general rule that the movie is never as good as the book, I was surprised to fall in love with this movie so much. Even though it drags in the middle (just like the book), I couldn't help but completely buy into the whole production. And it has James McAvoy looking adorable and delivering a fantastic performance? Done and done. Dear Striking Writers, The Oscars better take place so I can see Mr. McAvoy in a tux. Sincerely, Me.

Well, that's it for now. Enjoy.

Take care.

Goodbye?

Everyday Lies

Why, Giada, why? How could you have done this to me? I didn't think it was possible. I never saw it coming. I am beside myself.

Giada, I think you lied to me.

Okay, readers, on your behalf, I will back up. So I'm slooooooowly cooking my way through the Italian princess' debut cookbook (from 2005!). Right there, on the cover, it says "125 simple and delicious recipes." So I didn't think it would take me two years to get through 125 recipes. (I mean, Julie got through Julia's 400+ recipes in one year, but then again she had no life outside cooking poached eggs in gelatin.) But I've been counting down the recipes on this blog as I get closer to my goal. But I kind of lost track during one particularly long gap between recipes, so I started counting again. And then, to be sure, I counted the recipes I hadn't cooked yet. And it was not adding up. It wasn't making sense. I know I suck at math, but 125 isn't hard to add up to. It's not like 187. That number will kill you. Seriously, 187, what's your problem?

Anyway, I kept getting to 127. "127? 127! 127?" I was asking no one but the glossy pages in front of me, flipping them back and forth in desperation. "How? Why? When? Where? Who? Howzit? Whatzeday?" (Frenzied confusion = gibberish.) I knew there was a recipe for red wine vinaigrette buried in the lame "Everyday Leftovers" section, but even when I counted that it didn't work. So what other conclusion is there, except...?

Giada lied to me.

"So?" you may ask me. "Donny, there are other, more important things in this world right now," you might remind me. To which I say, nay, there are not. (That's right, you just got nayed.) It's the truth, and what's more important than the truth? "The truth shall set you free," right? Uh, no. The only thing it set free is my trust in the publishing world to advertise their products honestly and with integrity. Goodbye sweet, silly trust! And thanks, Clarkson Potter. It's like if Tyra Banks finally ripped off her wig, or Tim Gunn actually had 13 steps to style instead of 10 - you know your idol isn't perfect, but you just want to believe the shiny happy package TV presents to you.

Seriously, how hard would is it to say "Over 125 simple and delicious recipes"? One word could have made all the difference. Oh, and I now have to add two more dishes to my list of uncooked recipes. Just when I thought I was about to sauté my way out, they stir me back in.

Luckily, October in Chicago is finally acting like October and not August. (Seriously, October, what's your problem?) So it's perfect weather for turning on my oven, which I need to do for many of the recipes, including Roast Pork with Fig Sauce, Baked Rigatoni and two different lasagnas. Dessert, unsurprisingly, was the first chapter completely finished, and with one left each in Appetizers and Vegetables, those are almost behind me as well.

Still, Giada, you and I have some issues now. I don't know what you can do to make this up. I thought we had something together, you know? No matter how fleeting or fragile, it was there. And now, that bond has snapped like an overcooked spaghetti noodle. You better hope your Easy Osso Buco makes up for your big, fat, toothy lies.

Oh, Giada, Giada...

Also check out: Giada 3.0.
And: Like an After-School Special, With Liquor.

Giada 3.0

First came her signature cooking show, Everyday Italian. Then came the best-selling cookbooks and another TV show. At this point, Food Network star Giada De Laurentiis is hosting 3 shows - Everyday Italian, Giada's Weekend Getaways and Giada in Paradise - and is also a regular correspondent on NBC's Today. But now, according to Broadcasting & Cable magazine, her name-branding machine is kicking into high gear.

Already appearing in ads for Barilla pasta, Mrs. De Laurentiis will also be launching a line of oils, vinegars and spices with Barilla due in December. She's designing a line of bakeware for Pyrex Glassware to launch in early 2008. AND, come September, she will co-host the new fourth hour of Today for one week each month for at least a year, as well as becoming "one of a rotating roster of co-hosts for all of the hour's segments."

Holy over-enunciated Italian words, Batman! Emeril may be the face of the Food Network and have his own line of cookware, and Rachel Ray may be the media-saturated star with her own talk show, magazine and kitchen products, but Giada is really stepping out on her own here. She has really surprised me with her ambition. Her story always made it sound like she was just along for the ride, kind of like, 'I wrote a magazine article about cooking for my large, Hollywood family and voila! Food Network asked me to host a show!' But now it seems like our dainty pasta princess is really aiming for household-name status. (I was going to call say pasta queen, but that would be insulting Lidia Bastianich.)

And what a name it is. How refreshing to know that a household name could be one as long, complicated, vowel-choked and flat-out Italian as hers. Yes, Ray is technically Sicilian, but I don't think anyone associates "Ray" with Italian ancestry. I know it seems trivial, but I've seen and heard as many possible variations of my last name as possible. ("No, ma'am, you can't insert a consonant between the three vowels just to make it easier for yourself.") Even if it's in some small way, someone like Mrs. De Laurentiis gives hope to all of us. We're here, we have long names, get used to it!

Now, being a long-time Giada fan, will I mindlessly run out and buy her stuff? No. It's really not as if the world needs one more bottle of olive oil lining the shelves. I'm sure Giada's name alone insures some credibility, and therefore sales, but you just never know, especially when it comes to celebrity products. The article doesn't mention price points, either, so I'll simply have to wait, taste and see.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. Sometimes Giada cooks on Today, sometimes she doesn't. So will there be any cross-promotion of her products on the show? Will she use her own products on her own Food Network shows? Because one of the more interesting points of the article is that Giada's products, including her books, are separate from the Food Network.

Food Network has approached De Laurentiis to jointly launch products, but she has chosen to go it alone (she already has three cookbooks in addition to the ongoing Barilla relationship) because star and network haven't been able to align on terms of a deal, she says.

“I came in at a time where Food Network didn't have those ties with a publisher and others,” De Laurentiis says. “They were doing food programming, and that was it.”

Luckily, both parties acknowledge their mutual benefits relationship - the more popular one gets, the more it helps the other - and so it sounds like their relationship isn't affected negatively. Which is good, because I like Giada in the grocery store, even moreso on my bookshelf, but most of all I like her where I got to know her first: on my TV.

(Thanks to Esquire for the pic.)

Also check out: You Had Me At "Prosciutto."
And: Ode to Polenta.

Miller Swill

I'm not a beer guy. Beer, as we all know, is urine thickened with sweat. Or at least, that's how a lot of it tastes. Give me a cocktail any day, especially with vodka or tequila, and I'm a happy, happy man. But for some reason as soon as I heard about Miller Chill, a beer flavored with lime and salt based on the Mexican chelada, I had to try it. As a margarita fan, I love me some lime and salt with my alcamahol. I've never had a chelada, but I was intrigued to try it as soon as I joined some friends at a bar.

Color me disappointed. The website says "Chelada Style Light Lager with a Hint of Lime and Salt." Hint? That's being generous. What would be more appropriate? How about "rumor?" "Rumored to be flavored with lime and salt." Their website has more Latin flavor than this bland beer. Luckily, I at least like the flavor of regular MGD, as that's basically what I was drinking. The drink seems to be getting mixed reviews elsewhere, as well.

Actually, it made me even more determined to try an actual chelada to see why a company would go to all the effort of (badly) replicating its flavor. So the following night on my way to a dinner party, I picked up some Corona and limes...and margarita salt. Here's what you do: salt the rim of a highball or beer stein, squeeze in the juice from half a lime, add ice and pour in the beer. It will fizz up at first, and then you have a light summer drink perfect for hot days and balmy nights. The ice and citrus cut the beer so it's not as heavy as usual and the salt...well, salt is just good. I'd salt the rim of my coffee mug if I had enough time in the morning.

Variations differ regionally in Mexico. There's also a michelada which adds hot sauce and Worcestershire sauce, plus, depending where you are, Clamato or some other tomato-based drink mix. (I skipped those versions because I refuse to try anything named "Clamato.")

So two good things came out of this. Not only did I learn about a new drink that's easy to make and so good on humid summer evenings, the trip to the grocery store for the ingredients forced me to enter the beer aisle. After I passed up the towering stack of Miller Chill in the corner, there was a whole wall of interesting choices before me - lagers in lemon-flavored and "summer wheat" varieties, hard iced teas and numerous pale ales that would be perfect for the patio. I'm sure some of them suck, but it's almost like a challenge, finding the one that forces me to skip the vodka tonics and grab the bottle opener.

Ironically, it wasn't until a corporation heavily advertised their sub-par product that I had even heard about this traditional Mexican drink. You could argue that Miller is badly exploiting a cultural tradition for profit (I'm not sure I'd agree, since our grocery shelves are stocked with all kinds of ethnic ingredients that you would not find there even twenty years ago, but you could argue it) but really, Miller did me two favors with their lame imitation. It exposed me to a popular drink from another culture and, more importantly, if I had liked their bottled version, I might not have bothered making myself the real thing.

Also check out: Pringles and Pimpfants.
And: Eat My Cookies.

Black and White and...

Ah, New York, the city of dualities. Gritty and sophisticated, hipsters and hippies, WASPs and wiggers (yeah, I'm bringing back "wigger"), cupcakes, Cosmos and crack. How can you not love it? At least, you know, in small doses. My sweetie and I were there for three days and three nights eating, drinking and figuring out the streets from the avenues. Luckily, we stayed with my lovely friend/hostess Stacey who knows all the hot spots.

Some surprises? Black and white cookies and Egg Creams (which has neither eggs nor cream - discuss) both deserve their legendary reputations, TKTS doesn't just offer decent Broadway ticket prices but great seats, too, and the Metra is so much better than the CTA. Of course, riding a blind, amputated warthog would be better and faster than the CTA, but I digress. I would digress even more if I expounded on my crush for Raúl Esparza, so all I'll say is, if you can see Company before it closes July 1st, do it. Go. That's all I'm saying.

Even better was the lack of taxes on clothing and the unpredictably decent prices. Sure, Dean and Deluca might charge an arm and leg for some products, but they also have Meyer Lemon Olive Oil for $22 which is the same as in Chicago. And did I mention there's no taxes on clothes?!?!

Also surprising? Magnolia Bakery. Meh. Their cupcakes were dry and the buttercream frosting was so sweet I could taste the sugar granules. I actually prefer Chicago's own Cupcakes for their flavor combinations and Swirlz for their superior, moist cakes and restrained use of smooth frosting.

Two other highlights included the Museum of Modern Art and a Greenwich Village food tour. We went for MoMa's Richard Serra exhibit but stayed for Israeli photographer Barry Frydlender's huge portraits composed of dozens (or even hundreds) of seamlessly collaged digital pictures. The 3-hour food tour stuffed us with pizza, freshly-filled cannoli and deep-fried rice balls. That, my friends? Is called heaven.

While I wasn't pleased with the way most of my photos turned out, I'm wrapping this post up with pics offering a glimpse of Serra's towering steel slab sculptures in MoMa's garden and some Greenwich Village gems.









Also check out: Wisconsin, Suckas.
And: Happy Birthday to Me.

102 Recipes Down!

Only 23 to go!

FINALLY! It's like there's a light at the end of the spaghetti noodle.

When I first started working my way through every recipe in Giada De Laurentiis' Everyday Italian, one of my first posts - way back in February, 2006 - finished with "6 down, 119 to go." Now I have less than two dozen in front of me.

Unfortunately, they're 23 of the more complicated dishes - some calling for a lot of fresh seafood, some with really long roasting times (not what I'm looking for when it's finally 80 degrees outside) and some that I've been avoiding simply because they don't really entice me. (I'm slowly working on my irrational hatred of eggplant.)

Some things that I'm learning along the way:

1) Throw whatever you got into your tomato sauce. Now, I understand that classic tomato sauces are hotly debated, what with the ratio of onion to garlic, vessel of sweetness (carrot or sugar?), and so forth. But, it seems that there's a lot of flexibility after you get the basic template down. Want it spicy? Add red pepper flakes...and then maybe some capers and olives to round out the flavor. Want it thicker? Add some pancetta and Parmesan. (Well, almost anything is better when you add bacon and cheese.)

2) Atkins is WRONG. Some carbs are not only delicious but good for you. Quinoa, a South American grain, can be easily substituted for rice, even in risotto. It won't be as creamy since it has less starch, but it's filling and tastes great. You can substitute low-fat (not non-fat) ricotta in your stuffed manicotti, soy milk (not vanilla) for cream in your frittata, and turkey for just about any recipe calling for pork sausage or ground beef.

3) It really does taste better homemade. I know: duh. When throwing together some turkey burgers, I was able to top them with homemade olive tapenade and homemade roasted peppers. Would it have been fine buried under jarred garnishes? Maybe. But I decided what kind of olives went into mine (no black ones, thank you). And the peppers had a smoky-sweet flavor and tender texture that you just don't find in the jarred kind. (Although Giada's recipe calls for the more laborious method of broiling the peppers instead of just charring them directly over gas stove burners.)

3a) ...Especially when it's fresh. As an addendum, sometimes rule #3 works only if you're using fresh ingredients. For instance, while it is convenient that Trader Joe's sells bags of frozen calamari rings, you'll still be able to tell they're frozen even after you've fried them. But then sometimes frozen is okay, like using their frozen red snapper for Giada's Roasted Red Snapper. So it's just a matter of trial and error. And not listening to me, apparently, since I just contradicted myself in one rule.

On another note, I realized a little while ago that I really should have started a separate blog for this project. But, a lot of what this blog does is intersect food with pop culture, and what better way to do that, while utilizing the immediate user-generated feedback the internet excels at, than by cooking my way through the cookbook of a Food Network star?

Anyway, I'm almost done with this project and I definitely will not be starting a similar project anytime soon. I'm ready and eager to mix it up with different recipes. Bring on the short ribs! And the...um...clementine cake! And the pistachio brownies! And the billion other recipes I've been drooling over the past year and half but putting off, all in the name of Giada. Just as long as they're covered in bacon and cheese (aw hell, why stop there? Smear some Nutella on while you're at it), I'll be just fine.

Also check out: The Food Detective.
And: Oysters and Mussels and Squid - Oh My!

Why I Love The Onion

Because of articles like this:

"Women Now Empowered By Everything A Woman Does"

My favorite part? Where they rip on Luna bars, the energy bars specifically for women:

'Unlike traditional, phallocentric energy bars, whose chocolate, soy protein, nuts, and granola ignored the special health and nutritional needs of women, their new, female-oriented counterparts like Luna are ideally balanced with a more suitable amount of chocolate, soy protein, nuts, and granola,' Klein said. 'Proto-feminist pioneers like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony could never have imagined that female empowerment would one day come in bar form.'

I don't find this hilarious because I have any problem with products championing women's health per se, but because I find Luna bars specifically to be hilarious. From their website:

"As women, we understand the importance of wholesome, natural foods to help energize and support you through your day and life."

Um, what? That's somehow attributed to XX chromosomes? So then, men who eat healthy are somehow blurring the gender lines? Gosh, now that bowl of quinoa I had last night feels so subversive. I guess that means my morning oatmeal is downright kinky! I don't consider myself androgynous, but apparently my meals are. I wonder if David Bowie ever eats tofu.

Also check out: Well, That's Better Than Oops! I Crapped My Spandex Shorts.
And: Pink vs. The Magazine Stars.

Random Thoughts: The Devil and Miss Stone, 300-Pack Abs, and Akon's Vibe

Some pop-culture-related nuggets that have been floating around in my head:

- Last summer I posted my positive review of The Devil Wears Prada to Blogcritics and got some feisty comments. “It’s not as good as the book!” “It glamorizes unhealthy female body image!” “There’s no conflict!” To which I say: no, yes and kind of. Now that I’ve rewatched it on DVD and also read the book, I still want to praise Meryl Streep, Emily Blunt and Stanley Tucci. What Lauren Weisberger, the book’s young author, couldn’t understand was that her boss could be both a bitch and a brilliant woman who is incredibly good at her job. It is too bad that the heroine deems slimming down to a size 4 (from an elephantine size 6) as a major accomplishment, and yes, the boyfriend is lame (he’s an aspiring chef and he’s complaining about her schedule?), but overall, the film is still entertaining fluff.

- In the spirit of re-thinking, or amending past reviews: my love, or should I say my really like, for Janet Jackson’s 20 Y.O. has sufficiently waned to wonder what exactly is wrong with it. I know it’s underwhelming, and I know I’m tired of her obsession with sex, but what else is there? It didn’t hit me until I listened to the chorus of “Show Me” for the 800th time: “Show me, ‘cause actions speak louder than words.” No shit? I mean, she’s forty, and this is what she’s learned? A cliché that’s older than she is? Since the whole album is based on how she’s a forty-year-old woman who still looks/feels/acts like a twenty-year-old, I had to ask: should a forty-year-old want to think like a twenty-year-old? How is that a good thing? If it means trite “insights” like that, then guess what? It’s not.

- Why are songs that are about how inspiring music is so uninspiring themselves? I was reminded of this when listening to Joss Stone’s new CD and her song “Music.” It’s so laid-back it’s practically asleep. I mean, the song is fine, I guess, but if music is really so awesome then why is its tribute so comparatively boring? It reminded me of Leela James' "Music" (even these titles are boring) which I found equally odd – all about how amazing music is, yet so underwhelming itself. Which made me think about Lauryn Hill’s “Superstar” which at least had good lyrics but was still a mid-tempo chill-out that embodied her own accusations: “everything you drop is so tired.” Ironically, Hill guest-raps on Stone’s “Music.” It doesn’t help.

- What is up with AfterElton.com’s horrible book section? They feature only four items right now – scratch that, make it three, as they actually repeat the same link twice. And the big feature is an interview with Augusten Burroughs from May 2006! Their other sections like movies and especially TV are chock-full of articles, columns and recaps. Granted, if the site is about how gays are portrayed in the media, then I guess TV probably has a bigger impact than literature, but when Bookslut features new interviews with Edmund White and Andrew Holleran in the last two months, you have to wonder who’s asleep behind the wheel at AfterElton.

- In his gorgeous new Italian cookbook, Jamie's Italy, Jamie Oliver recommends a local treat: drizzle really good olive oil over really good vanilla ice cream and sprinkle with sea salt. I tried it. I think I need better olive oil.



- I love how, in his new interview in Vibe, Akon basically admits over and over again that he lies whenever he feels like it, leading one to believe that you probably shouldn't believe anything he says. And yet, somehow, I don't think that will affect his career at all.



- And finally...I finally saw 300. There’s a minor hubbub in the gay community over its portrayal of the villains in the movie. I was doubtful going in, but now I kind of agree. Frank Miller, who’s historically inaccurate graphic novel the movie is based on, clearly has some (probably unconscious) prejudices that he needs to work out. His heroes apparently have to be white and very heterosexual, virile, macho and hirsute who live to sleep with only women (again, historically misleading) and kill people. His villains, on the other hand, are be-jeweled, manicured, effeminate RuPaul clones who stage massive orgies with lesbians, trannies and hunchbacks. It’s not just offensive for the stereotypes and negative associations he’s passing on to young straight men everywhere (as if an R rating is keeping out the teens), it’s lazy, outdated shorthand to contrast the “other” from the straight, white, male protagonist.

I wonder if it would bother me less if I really enjoyed the movie, but I hope not. As it was, the special effects were cool, the Abercrombie & Fitch models - I mean, the cast - looked good in leather briefs and capes, but I didn’t care about any of the characters.

(Thanks to AfterElton for the pic.)

Also check out: If She's the Devil, Then Hell Must Be Fabulous.
And: What Do I Call Her If I'm Not Nasty?
And: Soul Sisters: Amy Winehouse and Joss Stone.

If You Buy Chiquita Bananas...

...you support terrorism. Seriously.

The Food Detective

So I recently received results from a cholesterol test a few weeks ago. I knew high cholesterol ran in my family and even though I’m a fairly healthy eater and exercise somewhat regularly, I know that you can’t really override genetics.

Well, the results weren’t great. They weren’t terrible, either, so I don’t need any meds, luckily. Yes, I don’t get as much cardio exercise as I should and yes, I’ve always had a sweet tooth, but I was still surprised and disappointed. I eat almonds and apples every day; I always choose 100% whole wheat bread and try to avoid high fructose corn syrup (and it’s many variations); my desserts are usually low-fat (thank you, Skinny Cow).

So where did I go wrong? Could it possibly have anything to do with cooking over eighty recipes, and counting, from Giada’s Everyday Italian? They do tend to be filled with cheese and pasta and cream and butter…oh, man, I’m getting hungry. In fact, I think that’s an actual recipe. Cheese and pasta with cream and butter. If it’s not, I’ll make it one.

I do tend to adopt a “how often?’ justification towards culinary indulgences. As in, “well, how often do I ever have a big bowl of creamy, starchy Wild Mushroom Risotto?” Or, “how often does my dinner exclusively consist of Cheese and Rosemary Bread Sticks?” Eating these recipes only once may not be a problem, but when you eat numerous less-than-healthy recipes all in a week or month or year, it starts to take its toll. So let’s take a look back at some of the evidence and see if we can track down where I went wrong on my culinary journey to eat healthy and eat Italian at the same time.

Could it possible have been the numerous pestos? Granted, they almost all have a big clump of grated Parmesan added at the end, but it’s mostly herbs and veggies mixed with oil and nuts. That’s all good, right? The Mushroom Pesto used walnuts which are supposedly a Super Food, and the spinach pesto provides a good dose of greens. And when smothered over grilled tuna steaks or spread on whole wheat crackers, that’s even better, right? So there’s nothing to see here. Let’s keep it movin', people.

OK, I did have a brief affair with butter sauces. Can you blame me? These recipes are like the sexy bad boy – you know they’re bad for you, but you just can’t resist. First, I added basil and pine nuts and then splashed it over Mushroom Ravioli. Another time I added sage, spooned it over Pumpkin Ravioli and then crumbled hazelnuts and amaretti cookies on top. Oh, yeah, and that time I tossed some over lobster ravioli, too. I guess I should disclose that we’re talking about a stick of butter per recipe, folks. This doesn’t sound too good, but this was all months ago - like, before the holidays, so I’m thinking that, while I won’t rekindle this culinary romance any time soon, they’re also not the culprit.

You’d think the problem would be desserts, but I’m not convinced. Yes, I’ve made Panna Cotta on more than one occasion. But the Rice Pudding didn’t turn out right (not the recipe’s fault) so I barely had any. I would think it would be the two days I spent assembling the Chocolate Tiramisu, right? First, you have to make the Chocolate Zabaglione. Zabaglione is an amazing combination of eggs, sugar and Marsala wine that, when cooked, becomes a foamy, boozy ambrosia for dipping fruit and cake. Add chocolate and, well, you can just imagine how much I “sampled” to make sure I got the recipe just right. Then fold in whipped cream and mascarpone cream (again, much sampling), layer with espresso-dipped ladyfingers and you’ve got the chocolate tiramisu. I know, I know – how can I eat that and wonder about cholesterol results? Well, I actually made this the day after the blood test. So it wasn’t just a hit at the Oscar party, it’s also completely innocent. Innocent, I tell you!

Maybe I should retrace my steps the week of the test. First, there was the Salmon Baked in Foil served with Farro Salad. The salmon just steamed in the oven with tomatoes and shallots – all delicious and healthy – and the salad consisted of wild rice (farro is hard to find and takes forever to cook, FYI) with tomatoes, herbs and a balsamic vinegar dressing. So I’m thinking it has to be the Verdure al Forno. It’s a vegetable dish consisting of three layers of zucchini, plus the broccoli and cauliflower that I added. So what’s the problem? Well, between each layer is three, yes three, different cheeses (it’s like the Perfect Storm of dairy: mozzarella, fontina and Parmesan) and cream and bread crumbs. Needless to say, these might have been the best vegetables I’ve ever had. But, I made them 2 days before the test and they’re probably what pushed me over the edge by pushing their cream-coated way into my arteries.

Conclusion? Eat less vegetables. Well, at least less vegetables drowned in cream. The good thing is this is forcing me to find ways to still eat what I want, yet make the necessary changes for a healthier lifestyle. I’ll have more on that in another post. For now, I have to go make a very healthy version of cheese and pasta with cream and butter.

Also check out: Like an Afterschool Special, With Liquor.
And: Square One.

LOL @ NPR

This past Thursday a group of friends, my sweetie and I braved Chicago's Antarctic weather conditions as we headed over to a taping of NPR's political/current events-based game show, Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me!. Five hundred audience members sat in the Chase Auditorium, our seats enveloped in layers of shed coats and scarves, as the three guest panelists and two hosts took the stage. This particular show featured humorist and writer Roy Blount, Jr., Washington Post's Roxanne Roberts and former Daily Show correspondent/"television personality" Mo Rocca.

Host Peter Sagal immediately apologized for being somewhat moody, as he too was convinced that he was Anna Nicole Smith's baby's daddy. He then confirmed that the ANS references would be kept to a minimum for the rest of the evening and, aside from one or two exceptions, he was thankfully right. They launched into the questions, covering everything from Google Earth's most popular searches (nude sunbathers), how the Chinese government used green spray paint to make a dilapidated mountain range look prettier and the new culinary trend of picking up roadkill for food. All true stories, by the way. There were callers who answered questions for the chance to have judge and scorekeepr Carl Kasell leave the outgoing message on their voicemail. It would be worth it, too - the man could read a physics textbook out loud and make it sound badass.

The show got even more interesting with the segment called "Not My Job," where a celebrity of varying degrees (I guess some would qualify more as "personalities") calls in, ostensibly to participate in the quizzes but moreso to shill their latest project. Our show featured French chef Roland Mesnier, who has been the White House pastry chef for the past 25 years, from Carter to Dubya, and documents it all in his new book, All the President's Pastries. It was interesting to hear how stern Nancy Reagan was about entertaining, or how our current president likes "simple" desserts such as "American cake." But as Mesnier said, "It made no difference if [they] are Democrat or Republican, they all enjoyed my desserts."

Mesnier was quite the good sport. You know how, when you watch game shows in a language you don't understand, no matter what they're doing, they just seem so weird? Such as when Bill Murray's movie star character in Lost in Translation appeared on that Japense game show that made absolutely no sense to him since he didn't understand Japanese. If you remove even one factor - such as language or context - from what is otherwise a perfectly normal or funny situation, it appears as strange and nonsensical.

It would be funny if Mesnier was actually thinking, I climbed my way to the White House and they're asking me about fried worms? But he played along very well. He answered Sagal's multiple-choice question about 3 possible desserts eaten around the world - including the real answer of larvettes, which are fried mealworm larvae - by pausing for a perfect beat before asking incredulously, "Who eats that stuff?" The thickly-accented Frenchman laughed when Rocca asked him to say "Be our guest, be our guest..." and even bid adieu by claiming, "Time to make the doughnuts."

As the show wrapped up, the diverse crowd started weighing themselves down with layer upon layer of winter accessories. I couldn't help but notice a number of attractive twentysomethings in the audience. Who knew NPR listeners were so sexy? Maybe it was that whole metrosexual thing that told straight men it was okay to find clothes that fit, but there were quite a few guys who, a few years ago, could have been sweaty boys playing Dungeon & Dragons in their basement but were now stylishly scruffy.

We ventured out back into the bracing winds, standing under heat lamps while waiting for the Brown Line. We repeated the funny lines to each other (Rocca to Mesnier: "It's not 'creme brulée' anymore, it's Freedom Custard"), compared notes on the sexy group sitting behind us and eventually made our way onto the El only to be joined in the same car by some punk-ish kids with an empty grocery cart. Technically, they spoke the same language I do, but with the speeding train drowning out their conversation, three punk-ish kids with an empty grocery cart just seemed strange and nonsensical.

Also check out: Shut! Up!
And: The Death of the Metrosexual.

Oysters and Mussels and Squid - Oh My!

Since my last update, I've made 79 out of 125 recipes in Giada de Laurentiis' Everyday Italian. I was feeling pretty good about this until I calculated that it only amounts to 63% of the recipes. Ugh. Granted, I did have a big lull from December into January, which I've only recently, and barely, begun to correct. But still, how can I have made 79 recipes and not even technically be two-thirds of the way there yet?

To start with, I've barely touched most of the seafood recipes, many of which call for clams, mussels, oysters and squid. I've never purchased these types of items and they kind of scare me. Part of it is a somewhat rational fear that I will unknowingly store them incorrectly and thus poison myself. But, honestly, part of it is some weird fear that they won't be completely dead and any of the following things will happen:

1) I'll open my refridgerator door, peer inside only to have a squid leap onto my face and wrap its tentacles around my head á la Alien, attacking me before I have a chance to chop it up for Grilled Seafood Salad. I pass out on the floor, the squid stealthily oozes away like a salty, delicious ninja, and the cops can't figure out how my killer left a single streak of slime on the kitchen floor instead of footprints.

2) Same as above, but with oysters. They leap out of their bowl of ice and fasten themselves to my body like possessed clothespins. I run out of the kitchen, limbs flailing, until I pass out from the blood loss and am found lifeless in an alley. (Why I can't just pull them off is beyond me. This is, after all, a list of the ways in which seafood could attack me.)

3) After enjoying Mussels, Clams and Shrimp in Spicy Broth, I fall asleep. The emptied and discarded mussel shells force the trash can lid open and bounce toward my bedroom, clip-clapping against my hardwood floors. I wake up only to have a gang of mussels attacking every inch of my vulnerable body. I try to scream but they pinch my lips shut. They leave a note pinned to my lifeless body, a picture of a fish in a circle with a line through it, which will become their signature as they continue on their quest to take out those who dare to cook seafood.

4) Clams, much like their bretheren, the mussels, decide to wait until the perfect moment. I throw them in the pot while making Spaghetti with Clams. As I open the lid to see if they're done, they leap out at me, so they not only pinch my face but they're boiling hot. Once again, I end up dead in an alley, because no one wants to help the weird guy running around, screaming, with clams on his face. Worse, dinner is ruined.

5) I'm chopping up squid, coating it in flour and frying it in oil to make Fried Calamari. I take a bite, satisfied in my deep-frying skills. It's only then that my cat, who has been watching the whole process, proceeds to rip off his face, revealing a squid underneath. "A ha!" he exclaims in a British accent. "You thought it was I that you just ate, didn't you? Too bad it was actually poor little Isabelle, or 'Izzy' as I believe you preciously nicknamed her. That's right, I killed her in her sleep last night, skinned her and switched her body for mine! And now, as you wallow in the death of your domestic slave who's flesh was fried by your own hands, I shall finally taste the sweet nectar of freedom!" And he, a squid poking out of a real cat's body, jumps out the window and bounces down the street.

There's more, but they tend to become kind of dark and twisted.

So, yeah, I have to admit I've been avoiding certain recipes. Which may also explain why I'm closer to finishing the dessert chapter before any other. I mean, it's not like Almond Cake can just leap out of its pan and suffocate me in its cakey goodness, right? Right?

Also check out: Kiwi, Tab and Turkey.
And: Like an After-School Special, With Liquor.

Kiwi, Tab and Turkey

In February I shared a poem and a video to celebrate Valentine's Day. Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, is coming up, but I can't exactly reach through the screen and give you all a plate of steaming mashed potatoes with turkey and cranberry sauce. So I thought I'd do the next best thing and share two videos...that have nothing to do with Thanksgiving whatsoever.

Unless, of course, your Thanksgiving feast is enjoyed with a tall, frosty glass of ice-cold Tab. And if it is, then maybe you also enjoy Thanksgiving wearing leg warmers and torn-up sweatshirts hanging off one shoulder, but that's not the point. The point is, Tab is awesome. And so is this commercial for Tab from the late 60's/early 70's (I'm estimating). I was directed to its brilliance via Elizabeth Crane's awesome blog, and I urge each and every one one of you to watch it. Description cannot do it justice, but the lyrics allude to its dizzy hilarity: "When you can't be with him, be in his mind. Be a mind-sticker." Yes, I'm serious. Tab was all about appealing to the ladies: "Being in good shape - shape with Tab. Keeping your shape in shape has its rewards." All being said in a creepy/sexy male voiceover as a husband comes home to his foxy, Tab-chugging wife.

Watch it below or check it out here.



Um, yeah. Totally makes me want to drink Tab. Or trip on acid. Or both.

The second video is completely different. By way of Popwatch, this is a master thesis from film student Dony Permedi entitled "Kiwi!" It's about a bird who can't fly who goes to great lengths for one last grande attempt. It's cute, funny, sad, complicated and - ultimately - heartbreaking. It's also three minutes long, so break away from your work and spreadsheets and emails to watch it at least once. But you'll probably want to watch it more than once.

Check it out below or watch it here.



So what do these have to do with Thanksgiving? Um, let's see...one is reminder for an underappreciated, overlooked beverage to take its rightful place next to your spiced apple cider, and the other is about being thankful for the things you have rather than dragging yourself down about the things you don't.

Maybe that's a stretch.

OK, it's totally a stretch.

But my brain is already so distracted by the inevitable pleasure overload of pumpkin pie that I can't think straight. So enjoy!

Please Pack Your Breasts and Leave

Wow. A Bravo reality show is actually getting rid of its robotic, flat-voiced hostess in favor of someone with actual television experience.

No, it's not Heidi Klum, who has actually gotten more comfortable killing the dreams of amateur fashion designers on the addictive Project Runway (it helps that she's, you know, one of the producers).

Instead, it's little Katie Lee Joel, Billy Joel's 12-I-mean-25-year-old host of the first season of Top Chef, a reality show from PR's producers about chefs battling to be...well, I guess the title is fairly Snakes On a Plane-esque in its self-explanation.

Maybe "robotic" is a tad harsh. Let's just go with "telegenically-challenged." But while Katie Lee apparently does have some background in food (Bravo never really explained what they meant when they described her as a "food writer" - I just assumed she knew how to write a grocery list), she couldn't, um, talk about food very comfortably. In fact, she couldn't do anything comfortably in front of the cameras, always dropping anchor-like duds of non-wisdom while judges Tom Colicchio and Gail Simmons could actually chew and think at the same time.

Instead, Bravo has made a ridiculously great decision in hiring Padma Lakshmi. A drop-dead gorgeous Indian woman (she makes Catherine Zeta-Jones look like butt) who has cooking and television experience (she hosted a much-missed show on the Food Network), Lakshi has been out of the public eye for quite some time. Oh, she also happens to be married to Salman Rushdie.

Top Chef is still seriously flawed. Unlike PR, where all you have to do is look at the final designs to judge them, on TC you can only look at the food the contestants prepare, and while presentation counts, you still have no idea how good the food actually is until the judges tell you. And the prizes aren't all that thrilling. I think they get a stove and, like, a magazine article or something.

But with Padma to guide us with her seductively intellectual presence (who will hopefully have a better signature send-off then "pack your knives and leave"), TC's second season could be approaching PR's crack-like addiction.

Also check out: Hooray for Jay.
And: Obsessing Over Food I Never Eat, with Giada de Laurentiis.

Like an After-School Special, With Liquor

Instead of describing what happens when I cook every single recipe in Giada de Laurentiis' Everyday Italian, I figured I would break it down into larger sections and inform you of some of the lessons I've learned along the way.

As a quick update, since I last blogged about my cooking experiences, I've made White Bean Dip with Baked Pita Chips, Sun-Dried Tomato and Chickpea Dip, Italian Egg Sandwiches, Nutella Sandwiches, Roasted Aspargus Wrapped in Prosciutto, Sweet Red Pepper Crostini, Simple Bolognese Sauce, Turkey Meatballs in Tomato Sauce, Brown Butter Sauce over ravioli, Seared Rib-Eye Steak with Arugula-Roasted Pepper Salad, Pork Milanese, Milanese Sandwiches, Chicken Spezzatino, Peas and Prosciutto, Broccoli and Green Beans, Smashed Parmesan Potatoes, Marinated Strawberries over Pound Cake, Affogato, Panna Cotta with Honey and Toasted Pound Cake with Mascarpone and Amaretto.

So far, that brings my total to 47 out 125 recipes. Not even halfway yet. Yeah. I know. But anyway, here's some things I've learned along the way so far:

1) Nutella is crack in a jar. Or an orgasm in a jar. Or sex in a jar. Whichever classy metaphor you prefer, Nutella should be its own food group. I don't care if you don't like chocolate (although if you don't, you're not really human, but I'm not here to judge) or hazelnuts. This gooey Italian treat is SO good smeared or drizzled over fruit, ice cream, waffles or just plain toast (with butter or peanut butter, too? Okay, then, if you insist) that you shouldn't go another day without it. Right out of the jar or nuked in the microwave to make it easier to spread, Nutella is so addictive you could pour it over a shoe and you'd swear Pumas were the tastiest sneakers ever.

But it's not just Nutella. Thanks to Giada, I now can't imagine my cabinets without amaretto (an almond liqueur that's great brushed over pound cake, mixed into jam, poured over ice cream, or just on the rocks), instant espresso (to be added to brownies or panna cotta or mixed with hot water and poured over ice cream to make Affogato) or capers (salty little green berries that add a lot of flavor to salads and pasta). My kitchen and my grocery store are now a lot more interesting.

2) I like peas! Okay, this may be the least significant personal discovery one could ever make. It's basically on par with "I like reading letters that form words!" or "My feet help me move!" But, the point is, I'm not only stocking my pantry with interesting new items, I'm extending my palate to foods and flavors I had previously avoided. Peas aren't bitter and mushy as I believed growing up, they're bright and firm (it helps if you add prosciutto and garlic, like Giada).

Also, while I still think spiciness can overshadow actual flavors in a dish, I now appreciate a little heat in my pasta sauces, vegetables and meats. So not only do I own a jar of red pepper flakes, I actually use them. It's good to get out of your comfort zones in many ways, and what you cook at home is one way to do that. (Although I still haven't made Eggplant Rollatini yet. Eggplant: ew.)

3) Cheese and potatoes are overrated. No, not really. Cheese and potatoes, are, in fact, pretty awesome, especially together. But sometimes the obvious winners don't live up to expectations and uninspiring recipes can yield surprise hits.

Smashed Parmesan Potatoes are just quartered red-skinned potatoes boiled, drained and then literally smashed with a fork while adding Parmesan cheese and olive oil. Cheesy potatoes - how could I lose? Well, maybe I didn't season them enough (Giada doesn't specify the salt and pepper amounts, which is strange because she usually does), but this assumed slam-dunk was bland and boring, even with freshly grated Parmesan and good quality oil.

Conversely, Toasted Pound Cake with Mascarpone and Amaretto, a recipe where you sandwich mascarpone cream between slices of toasted pound cake and then smear it with apricot preserves mixed with amaretto, was one of my favorites so far. When I looked at the recipe, it seemed fine but nothing special. Pound cake (eh) with some mascarpone (always good) with some jelly (eh) and liqueur (yum) and topped with sliced almonds (eh). That's 3 out of 5 "eh"'s...not a good sign. But when you put it together, the heat from the toasted cake slices gently melts the cream and the jelly mixture, which in turn ooze into each other and become a creamy, boozy, gooey mess (the Foodtv.com photo here doesn't do it justice). I was in heaven.

So I have 78 recipes to go before March. That doesn't sound too bad. And who knows? Maybe by the end of this whole thing I'll like eggplant, mushrooms (which I go back and forth on) and white wine, all of which appear more than once in Giada's book and all of which I'm not particularly keen on. We can save those for another lesson...

Butter: The 5th Food Group

Sereena X at Metaphor Voodoo doesn't approve of the government's new food pyramids. They try to customize it for each individual by their age, gender and exercise routines, so there's no one official pyramid anymore. While I can get behind the concept, when I entered my information, I think the website told me to eat 5 servings of twigs and Dr. Pepper every day, so I'm not sure how accurate it is.

So Sereena X is asking us to suggest what foods are left out of the pyramid altogether. So far, we've got chocolate, baked potatoes, Tostino's pizza rolls, prosciutto (my choice!), sushi, habanero hot sauce, and Scotch. What else are we missing?

Grab a martini (ah, there we go, that's the food group we're missing: cocktails) and head over to Metaphor Voodoo to add your own ideas.

Square One

I realized that as I have been attempting this project of cooking my way through Giada De Laurentiis' Everyday Italian, I never really fully explained the book or how it's broken down. There are six main chapters, and each one is then divided into sub-chapters. They are:

Everyday Antipasti: Fresh From the Pantry, Everyday Seafood Starters, Everyday Frittatas, Tricolore, Olives and Olive Oil, Bread and Sandwiches, Prosciutto, Roasted Peppers

Everday Sauces: Everday Tomato Sauces, Everday Pestos, Everyday Classic Sauces

Everyday Pasta, Polenta and Risotto: Fresh From the Pantry, Everyday Stuffed Pastas, Everyday "Sauceless" Pastas, Everyday Indulgences, Leftover Pasta, Everyday Polenta, Everyday Risotto

Everyday Entreés: Everday Grills and Sautés, Everyday Cutlets, Everyday Roasts, Everyday Stews and Sauces, Everyday Leftovers

Everyday Contorni: Everday Stuffed Vegetables, Roasted and Baked, Quick and Simple, Everyday Salads

Everyday Dolci: Everyday Fruit, Everyday Creams and Puddings, Everyday Cookies and Cakes

Yes, I realize this list raises some questions. Aren't "fresh from the pantry" and "everyday indulgences" both oxymorons? Why is there a whole chapter on sauces and then "Stews and Sauces" in the Entreé chapter? Or did she really mean "soups" instead of "sauces," as that is a more accurate description of that sub-chapter? Why even bother with any other part of the book when you have a section devoted entirely to creams and puddings?

All good questions, my friends, but we must save the answers for another time, as I have something even more important to get to.

What is up with the food photography on the Food Network website?

Not that I want to bite the hand that feeds me, as most of my food pics are courtesy of the website, but it's just so weird. The food shots on the show can literally be mouth-watering, as are the pics in Giada's book. So why do so many of them just not get it quite right?

Let's take a look at this one for Pizza al Spaghetti:



Is it a) an alien b) a turtle or c) an alient turtle? Those straggling noodles look like tenctacles ready to come to life, reenacting War of the Worlds with alien pasta pods and spaghetti legs. Not that this is such a great dish to begin with, but if you look closely you can see where they cut out a wedge. Clearly they were aiming for the cross-section view, so why not go for it? They could have arranged five or six wedges decoratively on a platter to showcase it as a party snack. Not that you'd find it at my party, but nevertheless, it would still make it somewhat more attractive.

And there's this weird proclivity toward extreme close-ups, like this:



Granted, it's still a mound of grilled pineapple with Nutella sauce and hazelnuts, so you can't really go wrong. But this looks like some big landfill of discarded fruit and chocolate and the whipped/mascarpone cream looks like popcorn. A more sparse, minimal setting of just one or two pineapple slices drizzled with the toppings would have been much more elegant and effective.

The same is true of this shot of Fusilli with Tuna and Tomato Sauce:



Why so close? It completely renders the ingredients unrecognizable. See that random little chunk of meat in the upper left corner? Oh yeah, that's the tuna, I guess. If they had just pulled away a little bit, you'd see a rich red tomato sauce flecked with green capers, neon lemon zest and nuggets of meaty tuna. This close and it's like the Discovery Channel digging inside some underground pasta colony where they're crawling all over each other to mate with the queen.

On the other hand, this shot of Spaghetti with Tomato Sauce and Olives doesn't really do the dish justice, either:



It's so far away it looks like any other undistinctive spaghetti-and-tomato-sauce dish. There's no character, nothing special. If they had gotten in a little closer (but not too close), you'd see the purple and green and black of plump olives and maybe even the red pepper flakes sprinkled throughout. From this far away, the dish, while perfectly pleasant, has no texture, which is exactly what makes it special.

Sometimes they do get it just right, like with this Spaghetti with Arugala Pesto and Shrimp:



Close enough to see the vibrant green sauce coat the noodles, topped by perfectly plump shrimp, yet not so close as to render the dish generic. This looks simple and beautiful and it makes me want to try the dish, which is really the whole point of the Food Network accompanying its recipes with photos in the first place.

The same could be said of this shot of Panna Cotta with Fresh Berries:



Fresh, bold berries floating atop pillows of cream. Sure, the glasses are a little too dainty-grandma-at-a-tea-party for my taste, but hey, it's still purty.

I don't know if the inconsistency is due to photographers who don't really understand the recipes they're taking pictures of, but there's so much good food photography out there, I would think the Food Network would want to stay on top of this. After all, it could mean the difference between someone trying their recipe or Googling to find another one.