Blood, Boys and Bambinas

After breaking 2007's record for Most Posts in a Single Month (October. 9. Sad.), I have been largely absent from blogging due to crazy work hours and other writerly side projects. So, before I get to pop culture goodies that have been rattling around in my brain like so many Jawbreakers, here's a three-point update:

1) Spent any good time in an ER lately? Yeah, I have. On a Saturday night. Because I apparently swallowed glass or a thumbtack or a chainsaw or something. So my experience at the Illinois Masonic's ER is featured for a week at GapersBlock, a Chicago-themed website. Click here to read about blood-spattered equipment! Crazy patients! Communicating without cell phones! If you're still suffering from a post-Halloween hangover, consider this your literary hair of the dog.

2) November is also time for Reeling Film Festival, Chicago's 26th annual gay and lesbian film festival. I wrote about it for UR Chicago Magazine here and, after enjoying the opening night's film, Shelter, reviewed it here. Click on the links to read about sexy surfer boys! International gay scandals! And did I mention sexy surfer boys?!

3) In news that has nothing to do with me, Chicago, writing, or really anything already covered in this post, I recently found out that our Italian Culinary Princess, Miss Giada de Laurentiis, is pregnant! Food Network Musings has the scoop. Can you imagine Giada pregnant? Remember how, um, top-heavy Salma Hayek became during her pregnancy? Giada will be like the Italian equivalent. I hope she doesn't tip over. But it's very exciting news for her and her husband...as long as she's not lying. (Just kidding!) (Or am I?)

Enjoy these stories while I mentally upchuck the Jawbreaker ideas in my head onto paper. (Lovely image, eh? I think that time in the ER has kind of stayed with me.)

(And, P.S., I said "upchuck." I just thought I'd point that out.)

Also check out: UR Out. Seriously, You Are.
And: LOL @ NPR.

Everyday Lies

Why, Giada, why? How could you have done this to me? I didn't think it was possible. I never saw it coming. I am beside myself.

Giada, I think you lied to me.

Okay, readers, on your behalf, I will back up. So I'm slooooooowly cooking my way through the Italian princess' debut cookbook (from 2005!). Right there, on the cover, it says "125 simple and delicious recipes." So I didn't think it would take me two years to get through 125 recipes. (I mean, Julie got through Julia's 400+ recipes in one year, but then again she had no life outside cooking poached eggs in gelatin.) But I've been counting down the recipes on this blog as I get closer to my goal. But I kind of lost track during one particularly long gap between recipes, so I started counting again. And then, to be sure, I counted the recipes I hadn't cooked yet. And it was not adding up. It wasn't making sense. I know I suck at math, but 125 isn't hard to add up to. It's not like 187. That number will kill you. Seriously, 187, what's your problem?

Anyway, I kept getting to 127. "127? 127! 127?" I was asking no one but the glossy pages in front of me, flipping them back and forth in desperation. "How? Why? When? Where? Who? Howzit? Whatzeday?" (Frenzied confusion = gibberish.) I knew there was a recipe for red wine vinaigrette buried in the lame "Everyday Leftovers" section, but even when I counted that it didn't work. So what other conclusion is there, except...?

Giada lied to me.

"So?" you may ask me. "Donny, there are other, more important things in this world right now," you might remind me. To which I say, nay, there are not. (That's right, you just got nayed.) It's the truth, and what's more important than the truth? "The truth shall set you free," right? Uh, no. The only thing it set free is my trust in the publishing world to advertise their products honestly and with integrity. Goodbye sweet, silly trust! And thanks, Clarkson Potter. It's like if Tyra Banks finally ripped off her wig, or Tim Gunn actually had 13 steps to style instead of 10 - you know your idol isn't perfect, but you just want to believe the shiny happy package TV presents to you.

Seriously, how hard would is it to say "Over 125 simple and delicious recipes"? One word could have made all the difference. Oh, and I now have to add two more dishes to my list of uncooked recipes. Just when I thought I was about to sauté my way out, they stir me back in.

Luckily, October in Chicago is finally acting like October and not August. (Seriously, October, what's your problem?) So it's perfect weather for turning on my oven, which I need to do for many of the recipes, including Roast Pork with Fig Sauce, Baked Rigatoni and two different lasagnas. Dessert, unsurprisingly, was the first chapter completely finished, and with one left each in Appetizers and Vegetables, those are almost behind me as well.

Still, Giada, you and I have some issues now. I don't know what you can do to make this up. I thought we had something together, you know? No matter how fleeting or fragile, it was there. And now, that bond has snapped like an overcooked spaghetti noodle. You better hope your Easy Osso Buco makes up for your big, fat, toothy lies.

Oh, Giada, Giada...

Also check out: Giada 3.0.
And: Like an After-School Special, With Liquor.

Giada 3.0

First came her signature cooking show, Everyday Italian. Then came the best-selling cookbooks and another TV show. At this point, Food Network star Giada De Laurentiis is hosting 3 shows - Everyday Italian, Giada's Weekend Getaways and Giada in Paradise - and is also a regular correspondent on NBC's Today. But now, according to Broadcasting & Cable magazine, her name-branding machine is kicking into high gear.

Already appearing in ads for Barilla pasta, Mrs. De Laurentiis will also be launching a line of oils, vinegars and spices with Barilla due in December. She's designing a line of bakeware for Pyrex Glassware to launch in early 2008. AND, come September, she will co-host the new fourth hour of Today for one week each month for at least a year, as well as becoming "one of a rotating roster of co-hosts for all of the hour's segments."

Holy over-enunciated Italian words, Batman! Emeril may be the face of the Food Network and have his own line of cookware, and Rachel Ray may be the media-saturated star with her own talk show, magazine and kitchen products, but Giada is really stepping out on her own here. She has really surprised me with her ambition. Her story always made it sound like she was just along for the ride, kind of like, 'I wrote a magazine article about cooking for my large, Hollywood family and voila! Food Network asked me to host a show!' But now it seems like our dainty pasta princess is really aiming for household-name status. (I was going to call say pasta queen, but that would be insulting Lidia Bastianich.)

And what a name it is. How refreshing to know that a household name could be one as long, complicated, vowel-choked and flat-out Italian as hers. Yes, Ray is technically Sicilian, but I don't think anyone associates "Ray" with Italian ancestry. I know it seems trivial, but I've seen and heard as many possible variations of my last name as possible. ("No, ma'am, you can't insert a consonant between the three vowels just to make it easier for yourself.") Even if it's in some small way, someone like Mrs. De Laurentiis gives hope to all of us. We're here, we have long names, get used to it!

Now, being a long-time Giada fan, will I mindlessly run out and buy her stuff? No. It's really not as if the world needs one more bottle of olive oil lining the shelves. I'm sure Giada's name alone insures some credibility, and therefore sales, but you just never know, especially when it comes to celebrity products. The article doesn't mention price points, either, so I'll simply have to wait, taste and see.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. Sometimes Giada cooks on Today, sometimes she doesn't. So will there be any cross-promotion of her products on the show? Will she use her own products on her own Food Network shows? Because one of the more interesting points of the article is that Giada's products, including her books, are separate from the Food Network.

Food Network has approached De Laurentiis to jointly launch products, but she has chosen to go it alone (she already has three cookbooks in addition to the ongoing Barilla relationship) because star and network haven't been able to align on terms of a deal, she says.

“I came in at a time where Food Network didn't have those ties with a publisher and others,” De Laurentiis says. “They were doing food programming, and that was it.”

Luckily, both parties acknowledge their mutual benefits relationship - the more popular one gets, the more it helps the other - and so it sounds like their relationship isn't affected negatively. Which is good, because I like Giada in the grocery store, even moreso on my bookshelf, but most of all I like her where I got to know her first: on my TV.

(Thanks to Esquire for the pic.)

Also check out: You Had Me At "Prosciutto."
And: Ode to Polenta.

102 Recipes Down!

Only 23 to go!

FINALLY! It's like there's a light at the end of the spaghetti noodle.

When I first started working my way through every recipe in Giada De Laurentiis' Everyday Italian, one of my first posts - way back in February, 2006 - finished with "6 down, 119 to go." Now I have less than two dozen in front of me.

Unfortunately, they're 23 of the more complicated dishes - some calling for a lot of fresh seafood, some with really long roasting times (not what I'm looking for when it's finally 80 degrees outside) and some that I've been avoiding simply because they don't really entice me. (I'm slowly working on my irrational hatred of eggplant.)

Some things that I'm learning along the way:

1) Throw whatever you got into your tomato sauce. Now, I understand that classic tomato sauces are hotly debated, what with the ratio of onion to garlic, vessel of sweetness (carrot or sugar?), and so forth. But, it seems that there's a lot of flexibility after you get the basic template down. Want it spicy? Add red pepper flakes...and then maybe some capers and olives to round out the flavor. Want it thicker? Add some pancetta and Parmesan. (Well, almost anything is better when you add bacon and cheese.)

2) Atkins is WRONG. Some carbs are not only delicious but good for you. Quinoa, a South American grain, can be easily substituted for rice, even in risotto. It won't be as creamy since it has less starch, but it's filling and tastes great. You can substitute low-fat (not non-fat) ricotta in your stuffed manicotti, soy milk (not vanilla) for cream in your frittata, and turkey for just about any recipe calling for pork sausage or ground beef.

3) It really does taste better homemade. I know: duh. When throwing together some turkey burgers, I was able to top them with homemade olive tapenade and homemade roasted peppers. Would it have been fine buried under jarred garnishes? Maybe. But I decided what kind of olives went into mine (no black ones, thank you). And the peppers had a smoky-sweet flavor and tender texture that you just don't find in the jarred kind. (Although Giada's recipe calls for the more laborious method of broiling the peppers instead of just charring them directly over gas stove burners.)

3a) ...Especially when it's fresh. As an addendum, sometimes rule #3 works only if you're using fresh ingredients. For instance, while it is convenient that Trader Joe's sells bags of frozen calamari rings, you'll still be able to tell they're frozen even after you've fried them. But then sometimes frozen is okay, like using their frozen red snapper for Giada's Roasted Red Snapper. So it's just a matter of trial and error. And not listening to me, apparently, since I just contradicted myself in one rule.

On another note, I realized a little while ago that I really should have started a separate blog for this project. But, a lot of what this blog does is intersect food with pop culture, and what better way to do that, while utilizing the immediate user-generated feedback the internet excels at, than by cooking my way through the cookbook of a Food Network star?

Anyway, I'm almost done with this project and I definitely will not be starting a similar project anytime soon. I'm ready and eager to mix it up with different recipes. Bring on the short ribs! And the...um...clementine cake! And the pistachio brownies! And the billion other recipes I've been drooling over the past year and half but putting off, all in the name of Giada. Just as long as they're covered in bacon and cheese (aw hell, why stop there? Smear some Nutella on while you're at it), I'll be just fine.

Also check out: The Food Detective.
And: Oysters and Mussels and Squid - Oh My!

Like an After-School Special, With Liquor

Instead of describing what happens when I cook every single recipe in Giada de Laurentiis' Everyday Italian, I figured I would break it down into larger sections and inform you of some of the lessons I've learned along the way.

As a quick update, since I last blogged about my cooking experiences, I've made White Bean Dip with Baked Pita Chips, Sun-Dried Tomato and Chickpea Dip, Italian Egg Sandwiches, Nutella Sandwiches, Roasted Aspargus Wrapped in Prosciutto, Sweet Red Pepper Crostini, Simple Bolognese Sauce, Turkey Meatballs in Tomato Sauce, Brown Butter Sauce over ravioli, Seared Rib-Eye Steak with Arugula-Roasted Pepper Salad, Pork Milanese, Milanese Sandwiches, Chicken Spezzatino, Peas and Prosciutto, Broccoli and Green Beans, Smashed Parmesan Potatoes, Marinated Strawberries over Pound Cake, Affogato, Panna Cotta with Honey and Toasted Pound Cake with Mascarpone and Amaretto.

So far, that brings my total to 47 out 125 recipes. Not even halfway yet. Yeah. I know. But anyway, here's some things I've learned along the way so far:

1) Nutella is crack in a jar. Or an orgasm in a jar. Or sex in a jar. Whichever classy metaphor you prefer, Nutella should be its own food group. I don't care if you don't like chocolate (although if you don't, you're not really human, but I'm not here to judge) or hazelnuts. This gooey Italian treat is SO good smeared or drizzled over fruit, ice cream, waffles or just plain toast (with butter or peanut butter, too? Okay, then, if you insist) that you shouldn't go another day without it. Right out of the jar or nuked in the microwave to make it easier to spread, Nutella is so addictive you could pour it over a shoe and you'd swear Pumas were the tastiest sneakers ever.

But it's not just Nutella. Thanks to Giada, I now can't imagine my cabinets without amaretto (an almond liqueur that's great brushed over pound cake, mixed into jam, poured over ice cream, or just on the rocks), instant espresso (to be added to brownies or panna cotta or mixed with hot water and poured over ice cream to make Affogato) or capers (salty little green berries that add a lot of flavor to salads and pasta). My kitchen and my grocery store are now a lot more interesting.

2) I like peas! Okay, this may be the least significant personal discovery one could ever make. It's basically on par with "I like reading letters that form words!" or "My feet help me move!" But, the point is, I'm not only stocking my pantry with interesting new items, I'm extending my palate to foods and flavors I had previously avoided. Peas aren't bitter and mushy as I believed growing up, they're bright and firm (it helps if you add prosciutto and garlic, like Giada).

Also, while I still think spiciness can overshadow actual flavors in a dish, I now appreciate a little heat in my pasta sauces, vegetables and meats. So not only do I own a jar of red pepper flakes, I actually use them. It's good to get out of your comfort zones in many ways, and what you cook at home is one way to do that. (Although I still haven't made Eggplant Rollatini yet. Eggplant: ew.)

3) Cheese and potatoes are overrated. No, not really. Cheese and potatoes, are, in fact, pretty awesome, especially together. But sometimes the obvious winners don't live up to expectations and uninspiring recipes can yield surprise hits.

Smashed Parmesan Potatoes are just quartered red-skinned potatoes boiled, drained and then literally smashed with a fork while adding Parmesan cheese and olive oil. Cheesy potatoes - how could I lose? Well, maybe I didn't season them enough (Giada doesn't specify the salt and pepper amounts, which is strange because she usually does), but this assumed slam-dunk was bland and boring, even with freshly grated Parmesan and good quality oil.

Conversely, Toasted Pound Cake with Mascarpone and Amaretto, a recipe where you sandwich mascarpone cream between slices of toasted pound cake and then smear it with apricot preserves mixed with amaretto, was one of my favorites so far. When I looked at the recipe, it seemed fine but nothing special. Pound cake (eh) with some mascarpone (always good) with some jelly (eh) and liqueur (yum) and topped with sliced almonds (eh). That's 3 out of 5 "eh"'s...not a good sign. But when you put it together, the heat from the toasted cake slices gently melts the cream and the jelly mixture, which in turn ooze into each other and become a creamy, boozy, gooey mess (the Foodtv.com photo here doesn't do it justice). I was in heaven.

So I have 78 recipes to go before March. That doesn't sound too bad. And who knows? Maybe by the end of this whole thing I'll like eggplant, mushrooms (which I go back and forth on) and white wine, all of which appear more than once in Giada's book and all of which I'm not particularly keen on. We can save those for another lesson...

The Guts

Since I started cooking my way through Giada de Laurentiis' Everyday Italian, I've made over twenty dishes but hadn't even cracked the sauce or vegetable chapters yet. Plus, that means I still have about 95 recipes to go, and at my rate of about one per week it will take me two years to get through all of them. With that in mind, I feel like, after all my attempts at some of the peripheral dishes like White Bean Tuna Salad and Citrus Biscotti, I'm starting now to get into the guts of the book.

Marinara Sauce: As promised, I finally made Giada's basic marinara sauce, which I could then use in a myriad of other dishes. This worked out pretty well. With prep and cooking, it takes about an hour and a half to make what's supposed to yield 8 cups of sauce. Chunky and slightly sweet with carrots, onions and celery, it still felt a bit watery when ladled over spaghetti. And I could barely taste the garlic and surmised that two cloves might not be enough for 2 quarts of sauce. It also would have helped had I seasoned the vegetables better before adding the crushed tomatoes, but overall this easy recipe actually produces about 6 cups of a B+/A- sauce. With this made, I could then move on to...

Tuna with Tomato Sauce: I know, I know. Canned tuna with pasta? Gross. But bear with me here. If you don't like tuna, this probably won't change your mind. But if you do, tuna simmered with marinara, capers, lemon zest and parsley is a fresh change of pace from the usual pasta dishes. Granted, this, along with the following recipes, probably amounts to peasant food, where Italian grandmothers tossed whatever they had in their pantry into a pan and then had to figure out what to do with leftovers. But this is peasant food in the best sense: quick, resourceful, easy and cheap. You could easily feed a family with this tasty, inexpensive dish.

Tomato Sauce with Olives: Could this title be any more boring? It doesn't even do the dish justice. It should really be called Spicy Olive Basil Sauce, because that's what it is. A mixture of pitted and halved olives are sauteéd with olive oil and red pepper flakes, then simmered with the marinara and fresh basil. I didn't have any fresh basil so I used Trader Joe's Chopped Basil - fresh basil packed into a mini-ice cube tray and then frozen. You pop out the cubes directly into the sauce and they defrost into strands of fresh leaves. How handy is that? This simple, boringly titled recipe actually packed a lot of flavor, producing a spicy, chunky sauce (even the marinara seemed thicker two days after I made it), and even my sweetie, who doesn't like olives, was pleasantly surprised. With this recipe made, I realized I could now make...

Pizza al Spaghetti: More like "Crap al Spaghetti." Or, how about "Pain in the Ass al Spaghetti"? Whoa, whoa...where did that come from? Well, pardon the hostility, but this is really the first recipe that really, truly didn't work for me. I know, the title alone sounds pretty nasty, but I told myself that this project would make me try things I would otherwise avoid, and trying new things is good, right? Turns out, not so much.

You take leftover pasta (and the olive sauce provides a chunky, spicy base) and mix it with eggs and cheese. Then here's how you cook it: you pour half a cup of olive oil into a frying pan, pour in the pasta mixture and spread it out so it's a flat disc, cook it so it forms a crust on the bottom, then invert the mixture onto a plate and slip it back into the pan to cook the other side. Except there was way too much oil and when I flipped it over onto a plate (which fit the pan perfectly), hot oil came streaming out the sides. Um, what? First of all, this would be difficult enough as it is to execute smoothly, but I really didn't need hot oil splashing my arm.

Then I noticed the online version specifies only 1/4 of a cup of oil, which brings me to my question: why pay $30 for the book when the free online versions are revised, improved variations of the same recipes? I feel like a chump. Anyway, the result wasn't even like pizza, it was more like "pie al spaghetti," with a soft, tender filling between two barely-crusty edges. Cut into wedges, it was decent finger food, but I'm way too bitter about the experience to say anything nicer than that (not that there's anything nicer to say, anyway). This was the first big disappointment in the book (and yes, that counts even Polentagate 2006, which was more my fault than the book's). Sigh...

Torta di Pasta: This is a much better use for leftover pasta. It's basically the same as the Pizza al Spaghetti, except there's no flipping involved. You cook one side on the stove, then simply pop the whole pan as is into the broiler to cook the top. The eggy, cheesy filling puffs up and browns, and once cooled, it's cut into wedges to be served as a side dish or snack. With the parmesan cheese and 1.5 teaspoons of salt, this was a little too salty for me, and Lord knows I love me some salt, but otherwise I will definitely keep this in mind next time I have pasta-filled-tupperware lurking in my fridge.

Speaking of guts, I'm also trying numerous brands of whole wheat pasta to see if any of them don't taste like chewy cardboard. I'll let you in one the results once I've sampled enough varieties (I'm at 3 so far). But when you make five different pasta dishes in one week, altogether using about two pounds of pasta (I halved some of the recipes), you end up with one very angry colon. Oh well. No one said this would be easy. And now I have the burn marks to prove it.

And if you're wondering about the food photography I'm using, courtesy of the Food Network website, well, we'll get to that in another post.

OK, I had burn marks.

Ok, ok, they weren't really burn marks so much as some temporary pink stripes on my hand and arm.

But it still hurt.

Mission: Delectable

When your cooking idol tells you what to cook, you do it, right? Right. So when Giada De Laurentiis told me, in person, to my face, to make her Raspberry Tiramisu, I was scooping out the mascarpone before she finished signing my book. I found the perfect occassion to make it when Mother's Day came up a week ago. In case it didn't quite work or wasn't quite enough, I also whipped up another batch of Espresso Brownies, which have quickly become my go-to dessert for entertaining and chocolate fixes. (In case making Raspberry fuckin' Tiramisu wasn't gay enough, now I'm having chocolate fixes. Great. What's next, runway coaching the girls of Top Model?)

Raspberry Tiramisu - Giada must think of this as one of her signature desserts. Not only is she pushing it at book signings, it's the only featured recipe on her website and her popping one the powdered-sugar-dusted raspberries into her (cavernous) mouth made the cover of her second book. I can understand why she's so into it - for tiramisu, it's fairly simple, yet automatically looks both fancy enough for company and complicated enough to make said company think you worked harder on it than you actually did.

However, while I definitely liked the recipe, I wouldn't say I loved it. In fact, out of the seven desserts I've made of hers, there are at least five others I'd make again before this one. Everything was about it is...fine. Grand Marnier mixed in with both the layer of raspberry jam and the layer of whipped mascarpone? Sounds awesome, but in the end was just...there. The layers just didn't come together for me the way they do in traditional tiramisu, mainly because the mascarpone, even folded into whipped cream, was way too heavy for what's trying to be a ligher alternative. The slight crunch from the ladyfingers should have contrasted with the fluffy mascarpone filling and the bursts of raspberries layered in between, but in the end it felt like dressed-up raspberry shortcake. Again, not a bad thing, and it did get raves from my family, but with all the build-up - I mean, it was recommended by none other than Giada herself; this was the recipe she had recommended above all others! - it didn't live up to expectations (which, in all fairness, may have been trumped up unreasonably).

After making the tiramisu, with an entire pound of mascarpone cream folded into whipped cream, I swore off desserts for a while. Since I left my family's homemade Mother's Day brunch with a bag of leftover berries, I naturally made...

Fresh Fruit with Cannoli Cream - Right, because taking the filling out of a cannoli shell and plopping it onto some berries doesn't count as dessert? I wish. But I've been eyeing this recipe ever since I bought Everyday Italian and I now had the chance to make it. All I had to do was fold some ricotta cheese into whipped cream with a dash of cinnamon and I was set. Sprinkle some sliced almonds on top (but take care not to burn them, like I almost did) and you've got one satisfying dessert. Plus, since you're eating fruit, you can convince yourself you're being somewhat healthy.

Fresh Fruit: $4.95 Ricotta Cheese: $2.95 Self-Delusion: Delicious.

With those creamy sins tucked into chilled tupperware, I made a few stabs at actually cooking something for dinner.

Roasted Chicken with Balsamic Vinaigrette - With summer almost upon us, I thought I'd squeeze in one roasted entreé before it gets too warm to use the oven. I don't think this is exactly an Italian dish, or even Italian-American. Instead of always recreating Italian recipes for us modern, ADD home cooks, Giada sometimes, as she explains on her show, chooses to incorporate staple Italian ingredients into regular American stand-bys. Here, she uses balsamic vinegar in a chicken marinade. That part was fine. It was after the chicken baked that I had problems. In the online version, it says to simply place the roasting pan on the stove-top, add chicken broth and boil while scraping up the brown bits on the bottom to create a flavorful sauce (technically a gravy, actually). In the book, however, there's no chicken broth; you pour the remaining marinade into a saucepan and scoop off excess oil (which was hard as it was 75% oil). I then boiled the sauce down to a thick paste rather than a syrup that I could barely spread on the chicken, much less pour.

Oh well, I wasn't expecting to cook 125 recipes perfectly every time anyway. I garnished the moist, tender chicken with some lemon zest, served it with a baked sweet potato and spinach and I was happy. And pretty healthy, too. However, I had to turn to Giada's second book to really make a healthy dish that was perfect on a sunny spring day.

Grilled Chicken with Basil Dressing - Marinate the chicken in olive oil and crushed fennel seeds, grill, and then serve with a basil/olive oil/lemon dressing, like pesto without the Parmesan and pine nuts (although, again, the online version is different - what's up with that?). Done. That's it. Grilling chicken is so fast and easy, and if done correctly (not that hard), produces beautifully tender, juicy meat. Love it. Serve with grilled zucchini and yellow squash, plus some brown-buttered corn with basil, and I was a happy man.

Last time I blogged about cooking I said I'd attempt Giada's marinara sauce next, which hasn't happened. I had made a lot of pasta dishes at that point and wanted to take a break. Plus, I'm thinking of trying whole wheat pasta again, but I've had bad experiences with it (chewy, tough) so I'm hesitant to go back. But it's healthier, and there's no way I can get through a book that practically worships starch without trying some alternatives.

If the whole wheat pasta doesn't taste good, I'll just top regular noodles with some cannoli cream. That makes everything healthier.

Spaghetti, Chocolate and Half a Tart

One of the very first lessons Julie Powell learned when tackling Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking was that "simple" is not the same thing as "easy" (think about tying your shoe vs. a prostitute. See? Not the same thing.) As I make my way through the recipes of Giada De Laurentiis, I'm learning the same thing. That's why I have to break down my latest dishes into two separate categories.

Simple and Easy

Lemon Spaghetti - This definitely qualifies as both. All you really need is a box of spaghetti, olive oil, Parmesan and two lemons. Cook the pasta, make a little sauce/dressing with the rest of the ingredients, add some fresh basil (because everything is better with fresh basil) and you're done. Seriously, that's it. Spring on a plate. So make that simple, easy and cheap, too, because all together this dish costs less than $10. Not only that, it lasted me a long time (one pound of pasta for one person? Um, what's up, carb-a-thon?) and by adding some broccoli and grilled chicken, I had an easy one-dish meal.

Espresso Brownies - OK, so Miss Giada may be doctoring up a brownie mix here, but hey, everyone needs a shortcut here and there, right? Right. Just like how I couldn't find instant espresso (seriously, Jewel, I'm not asking for imported Chinese cinnamon here) so I used instant coffee instead. So I guess these were technically Coffee Brownies, but whatever. The point is...they're awesome. Adding chocolate chips and instant coffee to the mix, then smearing a creamy coffee vanilla glaze over the top - ugh, stop me now, before I go into a chocolate coma via mere memories.

These are so densely rich, and yet I ignored Giada's advice to cut them into little bite-sized squares. Because men don't eat bite-sized anything, right? I mean, I had to counteract the fact that I was indulging a girly chocolate fix by at least eating manly, brick-sized portions, right? Oh well, I guess if you're going to indulge, why hold back? Hence the title of this blog: everything in moderation, including moderation.

Simple...but not so Easy

Spaghetti with Garlic, Olive Oil and Red Pepper Flakes - Simple, classic Italian flavors, a straightforward recipe - what could go wrong? First of all, it says to saute the garlic in the olive oil, and then "remove and discard the garlic." Um, she wants me to actually take garlic out of a dish? Blasphemy, no? So, OK, I tried, but since Giada warned me not to overcook the garlic, I instead over-compensated and undercooked it, and the garlic flavor barely infused the oil. And when you're working with as few ingredients as this, you want as much flavor as possible. Next time, I'll just leave the garlic in.

Second, I read the part where you save some of the pasta's cooking water to add to the oil, helping create more of an actual sauce. Yeah, well, I forgot that until I was already draining the pasta, so I barely got even the two tablespoons the recipe recommends.

Third, well, this wasn't so much a mistake as a future adjustment. Giada adds her own twist to the recipe by adding some fresh parsley, basil and mint at the end for flavor and color. I would have added more, because with just one tablespoon of each for a pound of pasta, the red pepper flakes easily overpowered the herbs. Still, add some grilled chicken and you have a simple, spicy dish.

Apricot Crostata - Who looks at a recipe where you actually have to make pastry dough by hand and thinks it will be easy? Me, that's who. Me and, um, (fill in name of famous French pastry chef). I saw the minimal ingredients, skimmed through the recipe and thought nothing of it. When, in fact, you're creating a dough, balling it up, flattening it out into a disc, chilling it for an hour, then rolling it out again to the right thickness, adding some jam in the middle and then folding over the edge to create a rustic, handmade yet expertly crimped Italian fruit tart.

I over-rolled it, creating, what I thought, was a much-too-thin dough. I also used orange marmalade instead of the apricot or raspberry jam that Giada recommends. The marmalade was thicker and therefore heavier than jam, thus endangering my precious, delicate dough. However, everything worked out in the end, as the crust was crumbly and buttery, with the aroma of grated lemon zest floating through my kitchen. The recipe says it serves eight, but I don't know who she's kidding. In my family, this would barely serve four. And we're not pigs or anything, we just want more than a thin sliver of our dessert.

The brownies and crostata are from Giada's newest book, Giada's Family Dinners. Yes, even though I'm nowhere near finishing all of her recipes from Everyday Italian (my original plan), I simply couldn't resist. I guess I'll now be making my way through both books. And while I love finding new Italian desserts, I really need to keep the sweets in check, so I'll be focusing on the recipes that really prove a chef's worth: marinara sauce. I used to make my own tomato sauce from scratch and did a pretty damn fine job, so we'll see how it compares. Bring it, Giada.

You Had Me At "Prosciutto"

Dreams do come true.

Last night, after standing around the Barnes & Noble of Old Orchard, Skokie, IL for two hours, I finally met the chef, the legend, the obsession.

Ladies and gentlemen, I met Giada De Laurentiis.

The star of Food Network's addictively sexy Everyday Italian and author of a cookbook sharing the same name, Miss De Laurentiis is making the rounds promoting her latest tome, Giada's Family Dinners. In case you haven't been following my exploits (here, here, here or here), I was on track to make every single recipe from Everyday Italian before real life and, you know, unemployment got in the way (all that freshly grated parmesan can really put a dent in your wallet).

Joined by my mom, who also bought Giada's latest book, and my sweetie, I was armed with copies of both her books as I paced around the B&N, too distracted to actually read anything I was flipping through. We had been given numbered tickets and were told that we would be called in groups of 50 so as to avoid super-long lines. Velvet ropes had been erected in front of the table where she would sign so anyone wanting to take a picture would have to gather there instead of posing with her behind the table.

As the starting time of 7:30pm neared, we all gathered around the table. A two-story store, many people were lined up against the railing of the second floor, peering over the open space below for an unobstructed view of their cooking idol.

Giada entered to applause and cheering. Arms with digital and cell phone cameras immediately shot up over the crowd and locked into extended position like members of a cult praising their leader. Giada, dressed in her usual form-fitting Anthropologie top, open button-down sweater, jeans and a necklace looked as radiant as always. She seemed genuinely surprised to notice all the people on the second floor, pointing and waving and being a good sport to the calls of "Giada! Over here!" and "One more time! Look up one more time!"

She sat in a stool as her assistant and the B&N employees got the book-signing production into gear. Already lined up, the first fifty made their way down the stairs and handed over their books. Giada was warm and friendly, with her enormous smile of endless sparkling teeth (most adults have, what, 20? Giada has about 300, give or take). She cooed at the babies plopped on the table in front of her and even hugged one man. (Sir, if you are reading this, whatever magic words you used to make that happen - "birthday," "cancer," etc. - please email them to me for the next time Giada visits Chicago.)

The line moved along quickly and before I knew it, my mom and I finally made our way up (we were a few numbers apart, but I thought it would be cute if an Italian mother and her son approached together). I have to say, I was nervous. What do you say? Do you just dole out the usual "I'm a fan" sentiment and be on your way? Do you try to be memorable? Is that even possible when hundreds of people are flashing before her eyes?

My mom immediately extends her hand for shaking, introduces herself, and asks Giada what her name means. Giada explains that it's Italian for "jade," like the stone. My mom and I both comment on how beautiful it is.

Then I mention that I've gotten my Italian family to watch her show (which is only a slight stretch of the truth; I've gotten some of my family to watch). She literally stops signing and looks up at me with the cutest pout/smile, as if to say "Aw, that is so sweet of you." Then I tell her that her Chocolate Ameretti Cake is fantastic, and she again stops signing and practically jumps out of her chair, her hand flittering in excitement. Let me give you the rest of the conversation script-style:

Giada: I know! Isn't that the best? It's so easy.
Me: Oh my God, it's so good.
Giada: I know. It's one of my favorites.
Me: Me, too. I'm converting everyone into fans of it. (again, erring on the side of "truthiness," but still pretty accurate)
Giada: Next you should try my Raspberry Tiramisu. (in her new book)
Me: But I haven't made your Chocolate Tiramisu yet (from her first book) and that's next on my list.
Giada: Well, once you get tired of that...
Me: Is that even possible? (could I be more charming?)
Giada: Well, if by some chance you get tired of it...
Me: Then I'll make the Raspberry Tiramisu. (charming AND cooperative)
Giada: You'll love it.

And now we're best friends.

My mom thanked her for coming to Old Orchard and that was it. We walked out into the surprisingly warm April night, books in tow, and we were on our way. I like to think that we walked the line between generic compliments and the entitled, overly-familiar, overly-intimate attitude that some people took with her. My honey and I took some pics ourselves so hopefully I can upload them soon for your viewing pleasure.

I now have my next culinary assignment, given to me by none other than Giada herself. While it's not quite raspberry season, if Giada tells me to try it, who am I to refuse?

Ode to Polenta

On a recent stormy Sunday night, my honey and I sat down to a homecooked dinner by candelight. The star of the meal - or should I say the sun, as everything else revolved around it? - was Chicken Piccata. As my faithful readers know, I'm slowly making my way through Giada De Laurentiis' Everyday Italian as the accompanying Food Network show is one my favorites. This chicken dish, one of Giada's "Everyday Cutlets," made me feel like I had accomplished one of the basics of cooking: deglazing. You brown your meat first, take it out of the pan, add in your deglazers (chicken broth, lemon juice, capers and butter in this case), add the meat again to simmer and heat through, and then plate it up, with the smooth sauce poured on top, garnished with fresh parsley.

I had never successfully deglazed before and luckily it turned out delish (although with only four ingredients and one pan, it better have or my culinary confidence would have been shot), especially served up next to some buttery broccoli. The only problem I had was with the other side-dish. As I've wrestled with various recipes to various degrees of success, I feel the need to express my tumultuous relationship with this dish in a piece I call "Ode to Polenta."

....ahem....cough, cough...

Polenta, O Polenta, you cruel, sludgy temptress, how can thou tease me so? You seem so simple and eager to please, like a rookie hooker with her first john - just pour cornmeal into some boiling, salted water, stir for 15 minutes, add butter and done! Nothing fancy...a little attention and a flip of the whisk. Rustic Italian cooking that sits as comfortably next to roast chicken as it does filet mignon.

But somewhere along the line, admit it, Polenta, you fucked with my head. You rebelled. You revolted. You went from fluid, grainy porridge to gelatinous blob in the course of a 15-minute stir session with my stainless steel saucepan. You still tasted fine, I'll give you that, but what happened? Were you anguished that I seasoned you with more salt and pepper, thereby triggering some hidden inferiority complex you've harbored because of America's fascination with that other cheap yet ubiquitous side-dish, the mashed potato? Did you resent my addition of cream and Gorgonzola to make Giada's subtely-titled Polenta with Gorgonzola Cheese? Or did I just have my pan too hot, thereby depriving you of what little excess water you needed?

You threw me for a loop again, sweet Mistress of the field, when I took out your leftovers and threw you into a pan to reheat, condensation-produced water and all. This time you were so thin and liquidy I had to serve you in soup bowls. Yet finally, as you cooled and set, you became the exact right texture: smooth and tender, but still thick enough to coat a spoon.

I gave you one more challenge: I added my homemade Chili Oil and some fresh parsley, poured you into a pan, and popped you into the oven to become Baked Polenta. This also didn't work out so well for us, did it, O cunning cornmeal goddess of the gastrointestinal fates? Again, maybe this was not your fault (so spare me your wrath). The problem may lie in Giada's directions: "Bake in the oven until the polenta is slightly firm to the touch, about 15 minutes." Excuse me? Am I supposed to actually press my fingers into still-baking, piping hot cornmeal to see if it's "slightly firm to the touch," a vague, non-committal litmus test if I ever heard one? It turns out that 15 minutes was not enough time, but damned if I was going to find out by scalding my fingertips.

So, Polenta, we may have gotten off to a rocky start, a culinary first date with the stovetop substituting for the requisite coffee shop, but Polenta - you poor man's doorway to affordable, creamy ectasy, you - somehow we must work together to have a beautiful future together. Do I offer gifts of rosemary to Demeter, the Greek goddess of the harvest, or thyme to Hestia, the Greek goddess of the hearth? If only they would pity me with good fortune. Lesser men have received more, so I pray they find me worthy. Hopefully the kitchen gods will look down kindly on me because, no matter how I've whipped, stirred, beaten, chilled, cheesed, chilied, creamed, or baked you, Polenta, I could still have you fried.

So let's not bicker any more. Let's put aside our differences and join together in a blessed union of Diner and Dinee. Is it a deal, O sweet, sating Polenta?

Food, Folks and Fun: Oscar Edition

In my ongoing efforts to make my way through Giada de Laurentiis' Everyday Italian cookbook (based on her Food Network show, one of my favorites), I whipped up some new goodies for this past Sunday's Oscar party. I was joined by family and friends at my sister's, who also whipped up one of Giada's recipes herself. What can I say? We're spreading the Giada love...



1) Rosemary Popcorn - A simple snack, but with a twist. First, I made Giada's Rosemary-Infused Olive Oil, which is very similar to the Chili Oil recipe below, but with fresh rosemary instead of red pepper flakes (this recipe isn't available online). So, after steeping the rosemary in the oil for a few hours, you coat the bottom of a pan with a few tablespoons, toss in the kernels, and get to poppin'. When they're done, you drizzle on another tablespoon (or four) and salt. Voila! Although maybe too subtle for some palates (the first time I tried it, I barely caught a whiff of the herb's piney essence), it's an interesting twist on an old treat (although this weighs heavily on the "American" part of "Italian-American" food).

2) Sweet & Spicy Almonds - I have nuts almost every day, so I'm always looking for something new do to do with them (Art Smith also has a really good spicy maple pecan recipe). This starts with Chili-Infused Olive Oil (yes, it would be easier to just buy pre-made chili oil, but much more expensive, and where's the fun in that?). Then you just mix a few tablespoons with sugar and salt, toss with the almonds, and bake for 15 minutes. Again, simple, tasty and addictive. (Confidential to Stacey: It turns out microwave popcorn cannot be cooked on the stove. FYI.) Sorry, the almond recipe itself isn't online for some reason.

3) Chocolate Citrus Biscotti - This is where things got serious. Anytime you mention making homemade biscotti, people react as if you signed on for voluntary Chinese water torture. Making biscotti is nowhere near as painful, but it does take about as long. Whipping together the ingredients is straightforward enough (I added chopped pistachios). Then you arrange the very stiff, uncooperative dough into two flat, wide logs and bake for 35 minutes. You take them out, let them rest, slice 'em up, and bake them again. Then you let them cool completely, dip them in semisweet chocolate, and refridgerate them until they set. By the time you're done, you're hoping your retirement funds have kicked in, but it's totally worth it. The aroma of orange and lemon zest permeates your kitchen (and the cookies), and when you dunk them into red wine or coffee, you'll feel mighty proud of yourself.

My sister, the hostess with the mostess, prepared a spread worthy of Wolfgang Puck. One of the items was Crostini with Ricotta and Goat Cheese Spread. The spread, with lemon zest and fresh basil, was originally oddly runny and a little bland. So she chilled it for an hour and added a lot more salt and there you go. Spoon onto grilled bread and you're set to laugh at all the ridiculous Oscar fashions (speaking of, what was with Jennifer Lopez's nuclear orange glow?).

Add in a veggie tray, dried plums, a pesto cheese spread for crackers, cheese quesadillas, beef burritos, and one awesome Red Velvet Cake with both chocolate and cream cheese frosting and we were a very happy, albeit stuffed, clan.

Food, Folks and Fun, part 2

So for this sequel to the original "Food, Folks and Fun," I have some exciting news: not only did my piece on Transamerica get chosen as an Editor's Pick of the Week over at Blogcritics, but I was joined by fellow Roundtable blogger/drinker Stephen V. Funk. While we've both been honored like this before, it's never been in the same week. Here's what the editors had to say:

Transamerica by Don Baiocchi: "A stunning review in every way. Just stunning! I couldn't have asked for a finer article."

Coming Soon: The Anti-Grammys by Stephen V. Funk: "In this cute and topical opinion piece, Stephen takes a look at the Grammys in the aftermath of the broadcast, as well as offering a suggestion for alternative entertainment in the future."

Congrats, Stephen!

In other news, in my ongoing quest to get through every recipe in Everyday Italian by Giada De Laurentiis, I have recently cranked out a few more tasty dishes.

Frittata with Tomato and Asparagus: Not only have I never made a frittata before (it was one of my dad's specialties), I've never used a broiler before. They've always scared me. In the two apartments I've lived in, they're these drawers sitting below the oven, a shallow container of blazing heat that looks as if it could melt titanium. So, after cooking the eggs, asparagus and red onion (I didn't have any tomato) on the stove, I sprinkled the cubes of fontina cheese on top, grabbed the skillet's handle and took a deep breath. I slid the pan into the broiler, waited four minutes, and out came a bubbling, perfectly browned egg pie. Delicious.

Prosciutto-Wrapped Breadsticks: With just three ingredients, could this get any easier? I set out a platter of these cheesy, toasted breadsticks at Stacey's Super Bowl party and they quickly disappeared. And anything with prosciutto is a winner in my book. Seriously, I would wrap this salty, melt-in-your-mouth Italian bacon around liver and onions and still love it. I even love just saying the name. Prosciutto. God, that's sexy.

Pine Nut Cookies: If my ten-year-old self knew that some day I would be writing about the virtues of shortbread cookies, the most boring of cookies, he would be seriously disappointed (and then he'd be raking in the dough because he could actually see into the future, and then I wouldn't be sitting here blogging on my futon bed but instead lounging by some white sand beach sipping mojitos while wearing a bathing suit made out of fifty dollar bills, but I digress...). But, seriously, after pulling these blonde discs out of the oven, they were still so buttery and soft, with a crunch from the golden edge - I never knew shortbread could taste so good. Add to that the ground fennel seed that flecked the dough (although the licorice flavor was so subtle it was almost nonexistent) and the pine nuts that studded the tops of the cookies, and I was hooked.

So, all together, that's six recipes down, only 119 to go. Great. And now I have a new deadline. I have to get this done by April, when Giada's new book comes out. Wish me luck!

Oh, and a special prize to anyone who knows where the title "Food, Folks and Fun" comes from!

Food, Folks and Fun

The lovely editors at Blogcritics have chosen my piece, "Oprah Rips Frey a New One," as an Editor's Pick of the Week. Thanks, guys!

Even though this whole Frey case has been covered to death, there was always one bit of information that I could never work into either of my pieces, nor did I see it included anywhere else. I know it's not exactly relevant to the issues his case raises, but it still bothers me. When A Million Little Pieces first came out in 2003, he did an interview at Salon.com. This is what he had to say about some of his well-known fellow authors:

I don't give a fuck what Jonathan Safran whatever-his-name does or what David Foster Wallace does. I don't give a fuck what any of those people do. I don't hang out with them, I'm not friends with them, I'm not part of the literati." Don't even get him started on Dave Eggers. "A book that I thought was mediocre was being hailed as the best book written by the best writer of my generation. Fuck that. And fuck him and fuck anybody who says that. I don't give a fuck what they think about me. I'm going to try to write the best book of my generation and I'm going to try to be the best writer.

What a classy guy. That would be Jonanthan Safran Foer, author of best-sellers Everything Is Illuminated and Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, David Foster Wallace, author of Infinite Jest, Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, and Consider the Lobster, and Dave Eggars, author of the hugely popular A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Even though Frey tries to make it sound like he's rejecting them as part of the snobby "literati," it sounds more like the bitter rantings of an insecure writer jealous of the attention his talented peers received. And I wonder, does he think AMLP is the best book of his generation?

I just had to share that, even though it doesn't reveal anything new about Frey since we all now he likes to see himself as some kind of tough gangsta, but seriously, who talks like that in an interview?

Now that I got that out of my system, I can move on. You can also read my two other Blogcritics Picks of the Week, the first on my favorite Food Network show, Everyday Italian, and the second on the ridiculous Barbara Walters special, The Ten Most Fascinating People of 2005.

At the end of the Everyday Italian piece, I asked (ok, begged) for a copy of host Giada De Laurentiis's cookbook so I could actually try some of her recipes. I was curious to see if her food could stand alone and not just look pretty on TV. Since then, I have gotten the book (thanks, Eric!) and have tried some recipes.

First, I tried her Chocolate Amaretti Cake, a flourless chocolate cake batter made with crushed amaretti cookies (dry, airy Italian almond cookies) and orange zest. It came out moist and almost fudgy, with the cookies adding a perfectly mild crunch to the batter. Italians aren't known for desserts beyond cannoli and tiramisu, but I think this cake definitely has the potential to become just as popular. I will definitely make this one again.

Then, I made a simple pasta dish, Orecchiette with Sausage and Broccoli Rabe. I love pasta recipes that include veggies and protein all in one dish and this one is so easy to make. I substituted farfalle because I couldn't find orecchiette noodles and regular broccoli for the broccoli rabe. But the simple coating of olive oil, garlic and red pepper flakes was perfect, adding a little kick without overpowering the fresh broccoli or spicy sausage.

Finally, yesterday I made Panino di Proscuitto e Fontina. I love panini, and this grilled sandwich with fontina cheese, spinach, red onion and proscuitto was a perfect compliment to the butternut squash soup that it accompanied.

There's so many more recipes I'm planning on trying, but so far, so good. Although some dismiss Giada as just a pretty face (which covers about half the pages in her cookbook) she at least can back up her looks with simple, modern dishes adapted from classic Italian recipes.

I know this post is covering a lot (James Frey and panini?), but I'm in a kind of Friday, end-of-the-week-recap mood.

Obsessing Over Food I Never Eat, with Giada De Laurentiis

I have to admit to my new TV crush on Giada De Laurentiis. Her show on the Food Network, "Everyday Italian," has me strangely hypnotized.

While everyone seems to be talking about fellow Food TV hosts Emeril Lagasse and Paula Deen (who’s featured in the new Cameron Crowe movie, “Elizabethtown”), Giada just entered the New York Times best-selling non-fiction list in the Top 10 with her first cookbook. That’s pretty big and pretty rare.

It’s not that the show does anything really spectacular, but there’s something about the soft lighting, the faux-rustic Italian pottery, close-ups of sleek stainless steel cookware, and the chill lounge music that kicks in whenever our host starts cranking out mini-polenta bites. Giada is always fitted into some tiny t-shirt that shows off her toned arms and ample…um…bosom. Wait, who says “bosom” anymore unless they were born in 1950? Boobs, ok? She shows off her boobs. A lot. But tastefully so.

What I’m trying to say is that the whole package exudes a certain sexiness, at least as sexy as cooking shows can be. While Rachel Ray, also a successful Food TV host, is cackling about how awesome her food smells, Giada is luring you in to the point where you can practically smell her chicken stew right through your TV screen. Sure, she’s a bit too perky sometimes (no one should smile that big when they add sea salt to a dish), but she’s having fun without being overly precious about it.

And the food is simple, too. It’s not Mario Batali using obscure, high-end ingredients like goose liver. And it’s not Ms. Ray running around like a spaz, throwing frozen tater tots into her oven so she can put together a “30-Minute Meal” (that being said, I actually am a fan of Rachel Ray, but watching her scramble to finish on time can be mentally exhausting). Giada makes simple, elegant stuff, ranging from Caprese Salad to Espresso Brownies that keep me coming back for more.

To top it off, she just designed a shoe for Stuart Weitzman that’s being auctioned for charity. She's giving to charity, people! Okay, so the entire line-up of Food TV hosts each designed one, but Giada's is the prettiest. But, once again, Ms. Deen’s is getting the highest bid. I know there are other Giada fans out there…hence the best-selling book…but where are they?

I guess it’s safe to assume that other Giada fans are not 25-year-old guys, however, and therefore wouldn’t traffic in the same places that I would, so maybe that’s why I don’t know them. Or maybe being a Giada fan isn’t an easily-identifiable personality trait, like being a Cubs fan or Lincoln Park Trixie.

But I know you’re out there, Giada fans. Please contact me. Let’s band together. Actually, let’s not. This blog entry is dorky enough without using it to start a Giada fan club.

Of course, if I actually had the chance to meet Giada, it would probably go something like this:

Me: Um, hi, Giada.
Her: That’s not how you say my name.
Me: Uh, sorry. How do you say your name?
Her: It’s Giada. You know. Giada. Giada.
Me: Right. That’s what I said. Giada.
Her: Nevermind.
(Pause)
Me: I love you.
Her: Ow, let go of my arm.

Or something like that. ANYWAY…

Now that I’ve made my crush known, could someone please go to my Amazon Wish List and buy me her book? Then I’ll actually try making the recipes.