Windy City? Meet Mother Nature. She's Drunk.

Today in Chicago we had fifty degree weather and a rain storm. The brutal wind was like a phantom boxer, slamming me with uppercuts and jabs from every direction. My umbrella would flip inside out and, as soon as I fixed it and aimed it against the wind, would flip open again as the wind instantly changed direction. My fellow pedestrians struggled along with me, a people mocked by the ravaging forces of nature who point at our trendy briefcases and expensive haircuts and laugh.

When I settled back in my office, I noticed that one of my shirt buttons had been whipped open as I had been stupid enough to run from Borders to my office with my jacket open. I then realized the whole point of the storm in the first place...

Mother Nature was trying to get in my pants, the slut.

Forunately, at least my shoes looked good, if a little slick. Because, according to RW holding court at the latest Roundtable discussion, if I was wearing those stupid loafers with tassels dangling on the top, I would have looked as ridiculous from the ankle down as I did from the waist up struggling with my stupid inverted umbrella. Curse ye, Fashion Gods, for letting these "shoes" take hold in the anals of style to become "classics" in the eyes of the stupid and drunk.

















The devil wears tassels.