You Are Not a Superstar

OK, the title is a little harsh, but let me explain. Walking through Lincoln Park today to do some errands and noticed a billboard for Crunch gym that featured an obnoxious woman dressed entirely in pink with two bodyguards standing on either side of her. Above her reads: "Crunch Gym: Everyone is a Superstar!"

No, they're not. I hate this ad. First of all, it has nothing to do with, you know, exercise. Secondly, how is Crunch gym really going to treat me like a superstar? Send me a limo everytime I want to go to the gym? Give me free gift bags with iPods and gold-encrusted chewing gum? Make me a famous, house-hold name and write me a check for fifty million dollars?

Because, that, my friends, is a superstar. Not just someone well-known, like Paul Giamatti, but a house-hold name that is immediately recognized. Tom Cruise. Julia Roberts. Mick Jagger. Oprah. Hell, even Julia Child counts because you say her name and everyone - no matter how little they know about food, no matter if their daily meals consist of bread and water or McDonald's - knows at least that Julia Child was a cook.

Everyone else? Not so much. And this is what sickens me. The last thing some entitled Lincoln Park Trixie needs is yet another advertisement reinforcing how entitled she should feel. It's the same thing as all those "The Fabulous Life of...(insert celebrity name here)" TV shows that air constantly on VH1 and E!. They feature celebrities basically accumulating a ton of expensive stuff and by showcasing this lifestyle (no matter how fictionalized it is) they're making it somewhat accessible to the clueless/rich. People watching are like "I want that! Why should Reese Witherspoon get that and not me? Gimme, gimme gimme!"

I'll tell you why. Because Reese Witherspoon has literally been working in movies since she was, like, 12.

That's why I love Waiter Rant so much (see my links). Because, as a waiter, he has to deal with tons of entitled New York yuppies who scream "do you know know who I am?" when they can't get a table without a reservation on a Saturday night. And, of course, they're usually no one and Waiter will point this out to us (if not to the guy himself). Because some hotshot accountant is still just that...an accountant. No matter how big someone is in their specific field, no one outside that field has any reason to care how important they think they are.

Sorry, I'll stop rambling. My point: everyone is NOT a superstar (and going to the gym won't make you one). Very few people have earned the right to jump to the front of the line. If Brad Pitt budges me, that's cool (unless we were in line for a Krispy Kreme - then I'd have to kick some ass). But if some fake blonde with stilettos thinks she should be able to cut in front of me because shopping at Escada made her late for the movie, then she's out of luck.