Everything I Need to Know I Learned From the Final Destination Trilogy

You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. Check out all the lessons these films have to offer:

20. Don't work out.
19. Don't use tanning beds.
18. Don't buy a car with an air bag.
17. Don't stand in the middle of a field.
16. Don't get in elevators.
15. Don't go to the dentist.
14. Don't go to the hospital.
13. Don't use your stove and microwave at the same time.
12. Don't use drive-through windows.
11. Don't use the subway.
10. Don't scare pigeons.
9. Don't listen to John Denver while brewing tea.
8. Don't light firecrackers underneath a horse's ass.
7. Don't celebrate the Fourth of July.
6. Don't get on a plane.
5. Don't get on a rollercoaster.
4. Don't drive a car.
3. Don't get in a car.
2. Don't cross the street.

And the #1 lesson to be learned from the Final Destination trilogy?

Don't work at Home Depot.



Now, this may all seem like common sense. You're probably sitting there thinking, Donny B, I haven't lit a firecracker underneath a horse's ass since I was nine years old. Tell me something I don't know. But the point is, these films are often underestimated for their cultural contributions. I mean, what did we learn from the Friday the 13th and Sleepaway Camp movies? Don't get to summer camp. Geez, ya think? I don't need a film to tell me that. Or the message of Halloween? Don't babysit. Yeah, you're telling me.

But not everyone knows about the deadly John Denver/brewing tea combination. That's why I and the Final Destination films are here to help spread the word.