Why I Love The Onion
Because of articles like this:
"Women Now Empowered By Everything A Woman Does"
My favorite part? Where they rip on Luna bars, the energy bars specifically for women:
'Unlike traditional, phallocentric energy bars, whose chocolate, soy protein, nuts, and granola ignored the special health and nutritional needs of women, their new, female-oriented counterparts like Luna are ideally balanced with a more suitable amount of chocolate, soy protein, nuts, and granola,' Klein said. 'Proto-feminist pioneers like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony could never have imagined that female empowerment would one day come in bar form.'
I don't find this hilarious because I have any problem with products championing women's health per se, but because I find Luna bars specifically to be hilarious. From their website:
"As women, we understand the importance of wholesome, natural foods to help energize and support you through your day and life."
Um, what? That's somehow attributed to XX chromosomes? So then, men who eat healthy are somehow blurring the gender lines? Gosh, now that bowl of quinoa I had last night feels so subversive. I guess that means my morning oatmeal is downright kinky! I don't consider myself androgynous, but apparently my meals are. I wonder if David Bowie ever eats tofu.
Also check out: Well, That's Better Than Oops! I Crapped My Spandex Shorts.
And: Pink vs. The Magazine Stars.
3 comments:
I don't quite know why, perhaps it's the Luna/Moon connection, but your post made me want to tell you about this: http://www.mooncup.co.uk/index.html
You giggle at Luna Bars while I giggle at Moon Cups.
#...You say tomato, I say tomato...#
Hey! Maybe the Luna bars double up as space-age tampons!?
I loved that Onion article too. The night before I read it I had a conversation with another comedian who said he gets most of his Onion enjoyment from the headlines alone, and not so much from the articles themselves. I agreed with him, but this one is an exception.
What, is the chocolate used in Luna Bars distilled through a fallopian tube or soemthing? Stuff like this drives me crazy. "We're the same. But we're different. No we are equals, but we have needs". Men are from earth, women are from earth. Get over it.
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