Resolutions Courtesy of the National Spelling Bee

For this, the seventh year of the new millenium, I have made certain resolutions that I feel will guide me toward a successful and happy year.

1) I will not be a pococurante, but I will also not be a kamikaze, nor will I be guilty of logorrhea. I would like to study at a lyceum, or any milieu that would help me elucubrate.

2) I hope I don't get staphylococci (which might give me xanthosis), but if I do I could maybe try using an antipyretic. Hell, I don't even want odontalgia, you know what I mean?

3) And most of all, I definitely will not be a victim of vivisepulture (this might sound antediluvian, but I'm more of a sarcophagus guy myself, and no succedaneum will suffice). But if by some chance I am, any elegiacal demarche will be truly appreciated.

I don't think I've ever watched ESPN in my life, but Eric and I turned it on today and a rerun of the 77th Annual National Spelling Bee had me hypnotized (as any viewer of the documentary Spellbound will understand), which led me to this.

Who says TV can't educate?