Shut! Up!
This weekend I was introduced to possibly the best culinary creation since deep-fried Twinkies.
The Chocolate Cake Shake.
What? Chocolate and cake and a shake all in one, you ask? Surely this man speaks of nothing but tomfoolery and ballyhoo, you proclaim! To all those naysayers, I say: bite those tongues! And then coat them with the most luxuriously ghetto drink you will ever have.
How is this crazy concoction actually concocted? There were many theories amidst my company: would it be like cookie dough ice cream, with gobs of raw goodness swirling around the milky base? Would it be like artificial cake flavoring, as if with some newfangled "cake" extract? Or would it simply be a chocolate shake adorned with chunks of crumbled Double Chocolate Supreme?
The answer to the Chocolate Cake Shake puzzle is, like most things in life, much simpler than predicted. It is merely this: take chocolate ice cream, milk, and one slice of chocolate cake - complete with chocolate frosting - and cram them into your glass/carafe/mixer. Blend until smooth and voila! A feast for kings and Dairy Queens, courtesy of national food chain Portillo's.
As I slurped the velvety smooth liquid through the straw from the offensively large, Big Gulp-esque styrofoam cup, a spattering of crumbs grazed my tongue. A-ha! I realized the genius contained within. Not only does the cake itself add an extra, unforeseen texture, but the frosting infuses the already thick ice cream-milk duet, creating a culinary harmony of sinfully dense, buttery rich heaven. Kahlua? Bailey's? Bah! Who needs them? My brain was heady with the liquid elation I was inhaling like a Hoover. Dionysis never had it so good!
Unfortunately, I was barely half-way through before feeling the dairy-fat brick form in my stomach, so I had to slow down (OK, I had to stop. I'm not James Frey, I don't have to exaggerate how tough I am!). However, this gave me time to consider: why stop with chocolate cake? Why not Red Velvet Cake Shake? Or Caramel Brownie Cake Shake? Or Banana Split Creme Brulee Crepes Suzette Cake Shake? Why not just jam every delicious, indulgent sweet treat into one giant carafe and blend with milk? All the flavors basically work with each other, right? Right?
So, to recap:
+
=
6 comments:
i feel my arteries closing up now ;)
Good Lord.
And where is the nearest Portillo's?
TD
That sounds like one ingredient too many. The consistency alone makes it sound hurl-worthy.
yuuum. sounds like this place i go that has beer milk shakes. say wha, beer shakes??? damn skippity: a dark ale (not as deep as guiness) paired w/ choice of vanilla or chocolate. decadence.
Jason, I know, I know. But trust me, it's just right. Although now that I've had it, I don't think I can ever have it again, because my body might reject it.
Stacey, beer floats with dark ales and chocolate ice cream sounds amazing. and I'm totally using "damn skippity" from now on.
Don reading it again it doesn't sound that bad, well except for the frosting :)
Post a Comment